


Wilted Halcyon

by Cee693



Category: The Flash (TV 2014)
Genre: Angst, Character Death, Depression, F/M, Hurt/Comfort, Season 3 AU, dark!Barry
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-09-30
Updated: 2017-01-02
Packaged: 2018-08-18 18:25:45
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 3
Words: 35,828
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8171446
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Cee693/pseuds/Cee693
Summary: When an enemy finally takes the most important person in Barry's life, there is nothing left to hold back the darkness.*Very Much a WestAllen Story.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Literally because of a totally random, simple sentence I saw on a bus ad, this prompt became firmly planted in my brain for the last 2 weeks and finally demanded an out.  
> This was supposed to be a short one-shot, but it got away from me. And it seemed cruel to post a single 10,000 word chapter. So this is going to be (hopefully only) two chapters. I really don't like that I had to break it up, but what can you do? Thanks for reading! <3
> 
> Warning:This story is a dark take on what I feel like the writers have hinted about Barry's character. Zoom made not-so-subtle allusions to a darkness within him and I wanted to explore, what I believe, would be the only thing that could bring it out.

_I'll never stop_  
_Breaking the law for you_  
_I'll never stop_  
_Whatever it takes to get what you need_  
_Ignore the alarm_  
_Ignore the police_  
_I'll never stop_  
_Breaking the law for you_

She should’ve seen it a lot sooner.

Maybe she _had_ seen it, she just chose to ignore it instead, if she were being honest.

After all, they’d had a year full of pure bliss and love after he'd returned. There was no need to bring up the cracks she’d seen.

They were tiny cracks after all.

A comment here, a look there.

A goodbye hug that lasted a little too long and was a little too tight.

A fleeting glimpse of fear that would skate through his eyes whenever she would talk about going to follow up a lead on an important story she had.

She’d woken up a few times in the middle of the night to find him awake. He'd be looking at her with an unreadable expression, his green eyes glistening in the moonlight, his hand gripping hers tightly.

When she asked him what was wrong, he'd either shrug it off as insomnia or he would kiss her so deeply and passionately until she forgot her own name.

Iris told herself that it was nothing when she’d be out working late in the office or out on the field and she’d catch a flash of red in her peripheral.

Just a trick of the light during the moments she missed him.

They were just tiny cracks, sporadic and trivial, that could never add up to anything.

They were never threatening or worrisome enough for her to really sit down and have a conversation about them with him.

And even if they weren't actually all in her head, she couldn't say she didn't understand why Barry would be a little overprotective or worried about her sometimes.

He lost his parents in horrific ways and he'd been through terrible things.

Things he still wouldn't tell her about.

When he’d returned from the other world he’d experienced after his father died, he was happy and at peace and he was ready to move forward with his life and that was more than she could’ve hoped for.

He’d lost so much in his life, but he'd come out on the other side.

Even when he felt broken, even when he felt restless or hopeless Barry had always found a way to grasp onto peace eventually. Every single time.

So Iris had no reason to expect he was any different than who he'd always been.

She had no reason to doubt that there would ever be a hard situation he couldn't overcome.

She had no reason to think that the wonderful, loving, kind and selfless man in her life would ever be anything less than a hero.

And she'd have to let him know this any chance she had, but she had the rest of their lives to tell him that.

To acknowledge the cracks and assure him she wasn't going anywhere. That she'd never truly leave him.

But, again, they were happy at the moment. The world was still and they were in bliss.

And then she died.

On a cloudy March day, she died right in front of him.

And any chance of Barry Allen knowing true peace in his life died right alongside her.

Any light that was left in his life was snuffed out and discarded in the span it took for him to scream out her name with more fear and pain than he'd ever known.

He raced to catch her lifeless body even before it hit the ground, but it was futile.

He couldn't reach her anyway.

She was trapped in a mirror, had been for days.

When he'd finally found the warehouse where Mirror Master had been hiding her, he felt as if he could finally breathe again.

He'd felt as if the darkness that been closing in on him since she'd disappeared was finally retreating.

And he felt the light that had been dimming since he'd last held her brighten as she breathed out his name in relief.

He didn't even have a chance to thank God she was safe and whole before Mirror Master apparated in the mirror between them and held up a staff.

And Barry cried out and Iris scooted further into the mirror.

Mirror master spared Barry a single gleeful look before he raised his pointed staff and struck Iris through the heart with it.

By the time Barry sped to the mirror and just touched the glass with his fingertips, he saw her blood had already soaked her shirt and her eyes were closing.

And the last thing she heard was him crying out her name in total brokenness before the mirror shattered into a thousand tiny pieces.

 

If you'd asked Barry Allen what the world would look like, feel like, smell like, the day Iris West left his life forever, he would've; first, been hard-pressed not to punch whoever asked such a ridiculous question, and secondly, been unable to answer the question.

Because there wouldn't _be_ anything to look at, or feel, or smell.

The day Iris West ever left his life would be the end of the world as he knew it.

He really, really believed this.

So he couldn't understand why, three months after she'd been taken from him, the world around him continued to turn.

He truly couldn't understand why his friends and family were worried about his health. Why they were asking him to "please come outside, even for a few minutes," constantly pleading with him to "eat something, anything at all, _please._ "

Didn't they understand?

Didn't they know what he knew?

Iris was gone.

She was gone and she wasn't coming back.

The therapist that Joe had forced him to see had made that point very clear.

She was gone and the world hadn't ceased to exist and he was still here.

Food was of no importance.

"Getting back out into the world," as Caitlin loved to say, was pointless.

As he tried to explain to Dr. Rhides during one of their sessions, he wasn't wallowing in Iris's d- in Iris being gone. Barry just sincerely couldn't experience living the way he used to.

Anything he put in his mouth either tasted sour or it tasted like nothing.

He didn't sleep on her side of the bed. He never touched her side of the bed.

In fact, he looked at it once that first night and then never again.

His dreams were either filled with him running through corridors and corridors filled with reflective glasses or they were filled with nothingness too.

When he was awake, he seemed to spend more time weeping than not.

He wept for hours on end in their house each day and would spend most nights cursing the world on the rooftop at Jitters when the memories in their apartment became too much to bear. But, once he stepped out into the world, Barry Allen was stoic and closed off.

Cisco tried everything in his power to help his friend in his grief and Caitlin looked into Barry's eyes and cried for what was clearly lost.

Joe couldn't seem to find a way out of his own grief to comfort either Barry or Wally very much.

But, Wally had Jesse to help him and he had a tolerance for pain, and he had a city to protect now that Barry was...incapacitated.

That's what they called it at S.T.A.R Labs.

Barry spent most of his time in Eobard Thawne's old office. No one knew what he did. In fact, they never actually saw him. They only knew he was there most days because the security cameras would catch a red blur speeding in and out.

The team had to wade through their own grief after Iris's death. They all loved her fiercely and the loss of the heart of their team was only exacerbated by Barry's withdrawal from them.

And even though they all would've liked to take time off and fully heal, they couldn't.

The world didn't stop and neither did the crime in Central City.

Mirror Master was still at large and he'd gotten bolder in the weeks that the Flash wasn't around.

Unlike Zoom, who had acquired his army of henchmen through fear and brute force, Mirror Master used his power of charisma and persuasion to show his disciples a future in which their fame and fortune was possible. If they put their loyalty in him.

For every one metahuman Wally and Jesse managed to put away, it seemed ten more would pop up.

Cisco and Caitlin had to work overtime to train Wally and Jesse in their still-new superpowers _and_ help the two novices take on metas that would give even Barry a hard fight.

But, no matter how hard it was getting, they knew better than to ask Barry for help.

Talking to Barry about being the Flash again only led to screaming, cursing, tears and broken glass.

When CCPN had a memorial of their own for Iris, Barry finally emerged from the shadows after months of dodging everyone to accept the "Journalist of the Year" award on her behalf.

He only came because he knew how much it would have meant to her.

And his friends were shocked by his appearance.

His eyes were dull and, in spite of their light color, seemed to hold an endless pool of darkness.

A small streak of his hair had turned a solid gray. And his face was pale, which made the dark circles under his eyes even more noticeable.

He gave an emotional, heartfelt speech on Iris's behalf, the most he'd talked in ages, and shook hands with the mayor who was honoring Iris himself, for all that she'd done for the city.

Joe, Wally, Cisco and Caitlin gathered around him in comfort after the ceremony, complimenting his beautiful words and strength.

But, Barry still noticed the worried glances they shared with each other when they thought he wasn't looking.

So he faked what little smile he could and was formulating an excuse to leave in his head when a henchman for Mirror Master decided to crash the reception in an attempt to kidnap the mayor.

Barry immediately felt a surge of white-hot boiling rage shoot throughout his body.

He remembered this meta. He'd taken him on in the days of Iris's abduction. He'd scoured every inch of Central City and the surrounding towns looking for any clue of Iris's whereabouts.

Barry had run into this meta when he'd gotten word of his dealings with Mirror Master and he'd beaten him until the meta had finally caved and told him where he could find Iris.

He'd hurt him pretty badly, but had left him where he laid in the alleyway. Getting to Iris as fast as possible had been more important than escorting a low-life to prison.

But, here he stood smug, brutish, and free to wreak havoc while Iris was-.

Barry couldn't reconcile the fact that this dirty, low-life piece of shit could stand in this hall on this day, and the love of his life could not.

Barry had the criminal off of the Mayor and in a back alley before the guests could blink.

And the meta had no chance to even raise up a defensive hand before Barry was pounding him with all the strength he could find.

He took his time, ignoring his super speed to make sure every single pound of his fists connected.

He relished in the sound of cracking bones and the blood that quickly saturated both of their clothing.

By the time Joe and Caitlin found Barry on top of the meta, the meta had already been passed out for a while. But, Barry hadn't slowed down his assault, not even a little.

He didn't feel the pain in his knuckles like he knew he should have from collided with hard bone and cartilage. He barely heard Caitlin's screams for him to stop, didn't hear her yell that _"that was enough!"_.

He hardly registered Joe grabbing his arms back and using all his strength to pull Barry off of the man.

Barry _did_ feel with perfect clarity, the relief that washed over him as he took in the meta's bloodied, mangled face.

He relished in it for a long moment before he sped off without a single word, not wanting to look at his family's horrified faces.

Running this fast almost felt foreign to him, it was the first time he'd really used his speed since he'd been too slow to save the light of his life.

He ran and ran until the things around him became unfamiliar and the concrete of the city was replaced with green pastures, only stopping when the sun was setting on an open field.

Barry took stock of everything he'd felt that day. Starting with his grief and ending with his shocking reprieve. And for a brief moment, Barry remembered the power that he had coursing through his veins.

He remembered the force he could exert and the fear people could feel whenever they looked at him.

And for the first time in a very long time, Barry didn't spend the night cursing God on building rooftops.

Instead, Barry went to bed that night feeling a small flicker of purpose.

 

Iris realized very quickly that death would've been merciful.

It would've been terrifying and unfair and probably very painful, but it would've been merciful.

When Barry found Mirror Master's hideout, Iris had been so relieved.

Until Mirror Master appeared out of nowhere and stabbed her through the heart.

Well, he _tried_ to stab her through the heart. His intent had been clear, but where the pointed staff should've pierced through her chest, she felt nothing. Just strange, warmth that made her feel odd.

The size that Mirror Master's eyes doubled at this would've been comical if he weren't a homicidal maniac with a knife.

He'd tried to stab her again, twice in quick succession, but his staff halted inches from her body each time.

He roared in anger and cast some spell at the front of the mirror where Barry stood before sweeping her away, deeper into the strange glass prism, where she's spent every day since. 

Death, nothingness, terrifying darkness, _anything_ would've been better than this.

Trapped in an endless room with nothing for comfort or company except an enormous hanging vanity that was the source of her agony.

The mirror showed her the outside world. 

On continuously, never pausing.

Iris saw her father and her brother in the days after she "died."

She watched them grief and slowly heal, never fully becoming whole again, but learning to live with the pain.

She watched her friends do the same, carry on and do what they could to help the city so that no one else had to grieve a loved one like they did.

Linda took over her beat, dedicating every case she helped crack in Iris's memory.

Caitlin and Cisco worked tirelessly to help pick up the mantle that the Flash had left behind.

And Barry. She watched the man she loved turn into a shell of who he once was almost overnight.

Day turned into night for the people on the outside. Over and over the sun rose and set and she watched them live through another day.

But, strangely, time didn't seem to pass in the mirror. She had no way of knowing what day it was or how long she'd been trapped. She could never catch a glimpse of the calendar at CCPD or the storyboard with weekly assignments at CCPN. Barry never slowed down long enough for her to catch the date on a newspaper or street clock as he sped past and no matter how much she strained her neck, she always _just_ missed the date that Caitlin was writing in her planner.

So, with no sense of date or time, with no way to comfort the most important people in her life, with no hint for an escape out of her own prison, she watched.

Day in and day out she watched Barry lose the light in him. She watched him lose his will to fight, lose his hope.

She watched him learn to hate the world and let the cracks she'd seen become deeper and deeper until he finally broke.

He became the Flash again, but his desire wasn't to help people the way he used to.

The only thing he wanted was to totally and completely annihilate Mirror Master and his metahumans.

The difference between him wanting to stop Mirror Master and rogue metas before and now was that Barry had no qualms about doing whatever it took to get what he wanted.

He was ruthless in his approach, breaking bones and drawing blood before asking questions.

He relished in the groans of pain he could extract from anyone who got in his way of taking down the magician.

He refused the help of his friends and ignored the commands of police. He was on his own in his vendetta and he only accepted the darkness in his heart as company.

And there was nothing Iris could do.

She wanted to ask Mirror Master why he was forcing her to suffer like this. Hadn't he already taken enough? Why was she forced to watch the man she loved turn into someone she barely recognized?

She wanted to cry for Barry and for her friends and family who were all hurting, but she couldn't. With each passing day on the outside, Iris grew more and more numb to what she was seeing.

She was somewhat glad that she couldn't really access her emotions while she was stuck here. She was glad she never gave Mirror Master the satisfaction.

And she knew that it pained him as time went on.

Where he used to spend endless hours taunting her and gloating over the demise of her hero, he now only spent minutes in her presence at a time.

Iris noticed how his skin slowly started to take on a sickly pallor and how he seemed to grow more and more unhinged as Iris grew more and more numb to the moving images before her.

It didn’t take her long to realize what was happening.

He was dying.

Actually dying, unlike her.

His power came from the chaos and pain he could generate from his victims in his mirror. Without that, his life force was slowly draining.

What Iris couldn’t figure out though, was why Mirror Master didn’t just kill Barry and be done with it. Or kill her to put her out of her misery and find another victim who could give him what he needed.

But, he didn’t do either. He would just stand there as long as his body could tolerate each day reminding her that Barry was falling off the point of no-return.

And as much as she hated to admit it, she started to believe him.

When Barry finally lost his job at the station because of his frequent absences and shoddy work. When he and Wally almost came to blows after Wally grew frustrated with Barry's erratic and dark behavior, she believed it.

When Barry killed his first Metahuman.

A man who'd used his hawk-like abilities to provide Mirror Master with a second set of eyes in the air, helping him to stalk out elusive prey and fore-warning him of any traps on the ground.

Iris couldn't tell if the man's death had just been an accident due to adrenaline or Barry had intentionally pushed him.

She watched as Barry and the meta fought for what felt like hours inside an abandoned power plant.

Neither of them backed down an inch, but as the fight wore on, the meta seemed to grow tired while Barry didn't break a sweat.

After a misstep by Barry, the meta charged and Barry tackled him into an active electric fence. Because of the extremely high-voltage, the meta's death was quick.

Barry stared at the man for a long while, before he silently turned and walked all the way home.

The second time Barry killed a meta, there was no room for doubt about whether he'd meant to do it.

He'd tracked down one of Mirror Master's top lieutenants and ran a vibrating hand through the guy's chest before the man could even flinch.

Iris had turned away and covered her eyes and ears when she saw him tracking down his third and fourth targets the next day.

 

He’d warned her once before, hadn’t he? After Tony had abducted her and the Flash found her before she knew Barry was the Flash.

_"I don’t know what I’d do if anything happened to you."_

She didn’t think he’d do this. She never thought he’d do this.

She watched him carry out his duties as judge, jury, and executioner.

He was merciless in his pursuits and ruthless in his punishment.

He gave no second chances and never called it a night without finishing what he started.

Iris thought it was a trick of the light one day when she noticed Barry's suit suddenly take on a darker hue. But, as the day progressed into night and that night changed again into morning she was certain-his suit was turning black.

It took Barry about three days to actually notice the change and when he did, he looked down at his suit for a long minute with a thoughtful look on his face. Iris saw a flash of guilt and fear and she was sure he'd finally give up his dark vendetta.

But, then the look passed and he continued to tighten his hand around the criminal he'd been interrogating.

It wasn't too long after that that Mirror Master came for her in a fury.

His sickly face had managed to turn a soft pink in his anger and he clutched his pointed staff so tightly, Iris was amazed it didn't shatter in his grip.

"Get up, _get up,"_ he sneered in rage. He pointed his staff at the large vanity and it shattered violently.

Iris gave a pained gasp.

As much as she hated what it showed her, it was still her last window to the world she'd left behind.

But, Mirror Master paid her cry no mind as he motioned for her to get up.

“What are you doing?” Iris asked while trying to keep panic out of her voice. He was closer to her than he'd ever been. In all his time taunting her in this prison, Mirror Master had never actually touched her or gotten close and this break from the routine she’d somehow gotten used to caught her off guard.

He ignored her and led her out of a door she swore had never been there and down a few expansive corridors that seemed to end through doorways only Mirror Master could see.

And the last door they walked through suddenly transported them to the outside. 

She looked around frantically.

She was outside!

She was in the real world!

In a small room that looked more like an experimental workshop, but it was still the real world.

Ground.

Concrete.

Colors.

Chair.

_Soft_ and real.

Tangible.

She sat down without prompting; running her fingers slowly along the chair, taking in every dip and stitch and grove of fabric until she had a semblance of balance.

He observed her with a hard look until he jerked his shoulder in frustration. “His lightening rod,” Mirror Master spat out in disgust.

Iris looked at him in confusion and anger.

This man had taken _everything_ from her. The fact that he thought he had a right to be angry at anything made her want to claw his eyes out.

"You feel anger at my allowing you to live, and yet here you sit in my own home, a pain in my side. A puzzle without an end. How peculiar. "

He leaned in close to her and examined her face slowly. "How to snuff out that which has resided since before the beginning of eternity."

Iris swallowed the fear she felt at his erratic behavior. She tried not to focus on his almost-translucent skin and sunken eyes as they raked her body up and down.

"How to put an end to the beginning of every end and the end of every place?" He was centimeters from her face.

Iris gave out a breath of revulsion and turned her head away from his.

It was only because she used this as a chance to scan the room for an escape that she caught sight of her own reflection in the mirror she'd just been trapped inside of.

She hadn't realized until this moment that her prison had never actually reflected her own body.

She knows this because, if it had, she would’ve noticed the phenomenon immediately.

Blue lightening surrounded her completely. From the crown of her head to the soles of her feet.

It bent with her limbs as she moved, weaving its way around her, and never strayed more than two inches from her body.

Looking at it, she didn't feel alarmed like she should have.

She somehow knew it wasn't Mirror Master's doing or anything malicious. Iris felt _drawn_ to the lightening somehow.

She reached out to try and touch it, but she didn’t feel a shock or hear the crackle of static when her finger connected.

All she felt was a brief spread of warmth and calm rush over her before it dissipated into something still. The same stillness she’d inexplicably felt after she’d “died.”

Iris couldn’t help herself and asked, “What is that?”

Mirror Master followed her eyes and his thin lips pressed together tightly.

“He is tethered to you in every way and you are tethered to his speed force," He said with a dark undertone. "I cannot destroy him without destroying you and I cannot destroy you without attempting to tear the very fabric of space and time. A true dilemma,” he said pensively as if he were discussing a math problem and not her and her boyfriend’s murder.

"I-I don't understand," Iris said. Although she understood what he was saying, she didn't understand how it was possible.

Barry was connected to Iris? Iris was connected to the _Speed Force?_

The same elusive, mysterious entity that was entwined in a speedster's DNA was surrounding her in a static shield of lightening? One that didn't hurt or disrupt her in anyway.

So did she have super speed?

No. She already knew that answer somehow.

Why was it surrounding her? How long had it been there? What was its purpose?

"It is of no consequence, truly," Mirror Master continued, grabbing her attention once more. “I may just have to bide my time, won’t I? Your love is becoming more mad with each passing day, Ms. West. It won’t be long before he facilitates his own demise, will it?

For the first time, she heard the lightening crackle dangerously.

Mirror Master's eyes flickered to it quickly. Iris saw the tiniest flicker of fear flash through them before his smug smile returned.

She felt better at this. She sat up straighter. 

“It will take longer than you have,” Iris said. “You’re dying. I know you are. You’re weak and scared and you’re going to lose.”

Mirror Master dropped his sardonic grin for a minute before he was able to school his features once more.

“I have neither a fear of death nor of your precious _speedster,_ Ms. West.

He has yet to realize after all this time that you are still alive. Do you think it wise to put faith in a man so easily tricked?"

"You're going to lose," Iris said with conviction.

"Ah," his laugh sounding more like a sickly wheeze. "A realist filled to the brim with optimism and a belief in the good. What a conundrum. What a waste, Ms. West. You don’t even know the power your words possess, truly. I've seen your work. I've followed your writings intimately. You could lead armies solely with the words on your tongue."

"Greatness is your destiny," he told her earnestly. "Your pen is greater than any power doled out at whim from a dark matter explosion."

"The Flash is a mere glitch in the matrix, a speck of dust on a map, yet you've encouraged the masses to worship him as if he were a god. And for what?

He is jealous of your gift. He is terrified of it, isn't he? Always second-guessing your work, doubting your abilities. He'd have you locked in a house forever if he could, I only speak of truth. You've seen it too, have you not?"

Unbidden, images of Barry trying to discourage Iris from writing her blog flashed through her mind.

Barry telling her she was crazy.

Barry implying she wasn't strong enough to handle the dangers of the job.

Barry and her father treating her like a child.

Barry begging her to stay home from work so they could spend time together. Keeping her writing. Keeping her from her destiny.

Barry patrolling outside CCPN when she worked late because he thought she was such a weak, helpless, useless little girl.

_She would show him._

Sweet, noble Barry. Barry the Boy Scout. He had everyone fooled.

The truth was, Barry was selfish and spiteful.

He only cared about himself and what _he_ wanted.

He ruined her relationships even when she was at her happiest in her life.

He drove away her friends growing up because of his unhealthy attachment to her. Never leaving her side. Making everyone uncomfortable as the sad, orphaned son of a murderer, spouting out stories of the impossible.

And she defended him. Always. Did he ever thank her? Even years later when she put her reputation on the line for him?

Did he ever thank her for helping the world believe in him and in the good she thought he could do?

Did he ever apologize for manipulating her all those times he was in disguise? Toying with her emotions and her mind as he fulfilled some sick superhero fantasy because he was too cowardly to show his heart to her as himself.

He lived his life running between realities, playing with time and toying with her life as if it were a play thing.

She saw it clearly now. All their lives, Barry had wanted nothing more than to bring Iris down. He wanted to control her and use her and he took advantage of how easily she forgave.

He would control everything about her if he could, turning her into a clueless, submissive pawn in his games.

He'd never really cared about her.

No.

That wasn't right.

Barry made mistakes, but he'd never ask her to be anyone else than who she was. 

He'd never wanted anyone else.

He loved her. He loved Iris, enough for a lifetime. Enough for two or three or a million- however many earths and timelines there were. He loved her in every single one.

She believed that. She knew that.

Barry Allen loves her. And she loves him. And he would never hurt her.

He would never-

A purely animalistic and guttural roar broke Iris out of her stupor.

She gasped for air, feeling like she just broke the surface after being underwater for too long.

_Where was she?_

It took her a long moment to remember she was still in the chair. Still in Mirror Master's house.

She never left, so why did her chest feel like she'd been running for miles?

She looked at her reflection again, needing to feel reassurance of any kind.

The lightening had somehow doubled in thickness and was crackling and sparking way more than before, almost angrily.

"You choose to cling to a love that put you here in the first place?" He asked her with more rage than she'd ever heard.

"You deny my truths in exchange for your own blissful delusions," Mirror Master spit out. He angrily swiped all the objects off of his desk and sent a heavy-looking glass orb flying across the room.

After a while he regained his air of calm and indifference. He softened his hard features and finally backed down to put space between them.

"You've chosen your own fate," he told her flippantly as he examined his staff. "Such a pity."

Iris's breathing very slowly started to even out and she realized that he'd somehow gotten into her head for the first time since she'd been trapped. The things she'd thought about Barry- she swallowed hard.

She was able to fight it off after a while, but the magnitude of the anger she felt, the rage she felt as she twisted what their relationship had been, it was horrifying.

Why was he able to get into her mind now when nothing else had worked before?

She didn't know the answer to that, but she did know she was running out of time.

The Speed Force or whatever had shielded her in the mirror was changing and she couldn't still be a prisoner when it finally left.

Iris decided in that moment that she would either get out of this God-forsaken place or she would die trying.

She just prayed that her mind would stay with her long enough for her to try.


	2. Chapter II

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi guys. I'm SO SO terribly sorry for the long and unfair wait for this next chapter. Believe me it was completely unplanned. Unfortunately, some really bad family stuff came up and on top of that I'm trying to stay afloat and navigate the wonderful world of getting a biology degree. I've just been terribly overwhelmed. But, now that finals are winding down and I can breathe a little, I really wanted to get this up.
> 
> Please note the change in the tags. There's a Trigger Warning here for self harm.
> 
> Un-beta'd so any mistakes are my own.  
> *Also, sorry about the word count. I couldn't find a good spot to cut this for the life of me.

_Where was she?_  


She looked around and didn't see a single building, sign or landmark.  


_What the_ hell _happened?_  


The last thing she remembered was-  


Her mind was a blank.  


_Oh, God._  


_Who am I? What am I doing out here?_  


She closed her eyes and took a deep breath and prayed that her heart would stop racing and the world would stop spinning long enough for her to form a coherent thought.  


After a few minutes, her prayer was answered. She found clarity.  


Iris.  


Her name was Iris West.  


She was a reporter for Central City Picture News.  


Iris racked her brain for anything else.  


She was abducted by a metahuman because her boyfriend was the Flash.  


Mirror Master!  


Everything came back to her, but nothing that could explain why she was partially laying down on a damp field of grass.  


Where was he? Had he let her go? Had she escaped?  


_Why the hell couldn't she remember anything?!_  


The last thing she could recall was being shoved back into the mirror after Mirror Master failed to taint her mind.  


So what happened after that? She hadn't the slightest clue.  


Her mind drew a complete blank when she tried to recall anything after the minute the door closed behind the magician.  


Iris looked around and took in what little landscape she could in the darkening night sky, and quickly confirmed it wasn’t Mirror Master playing tricks on her again.  


His visions or whatever they’d been hadn’t felt this real.  


Even when he had her fooled for a moment, she could look back and remember that the world he created had a tint of surrealism weaved into it. But, here and now, Iris felt every harsh element surrounding her.  


She felt the bite of the cold evening air, and the deep silence that surrounded her in this empty field, she felt every rock and wet grass blade that was digging into her bare feet as she stood up.  


_Where were her shoes?_  


No, that wasn't important, Iris decided. She needed to find out where she was and she needed to find help getting back home. And she wasn't getting answers standing in the middle of nowhere with no guarantee Mirror Master wouldn't come back, so Iris ran.  


She ran for as far and as long as she could and just when she felt like her bare feet couldn't carry her anymore, she caught a glimpse of a flashing light.  


A cell tower, she discovered upon inspection. She deflated a little, but tried to keep her optimism.  


Okay, at least she knew she was somewhere with modern technology, but that's about it.  


She kept moving, the moon getting higher and higher in the sky, clinging to the hope that she would finally come across a person or an actual building.  


She pretended that she couldn’t hear the howling of creatures not-so-far away. She ignored the dark glistening eyes of _something_ along the perimeter of the forest on her right side.  


She kept focused on the task at hand of finding another soul to help her and kept repeating the mantra that she was okay, over and over to herself.  


Then she heard the clear sound of a ship's bell. And another.  


_She was near water._ She picked up her pace.  


Iris felt the cool wooden planks of the dock under her feet before she saw them as the sky was now totally black.  


But, further down a dim lamppost illuminated the small businesses lined all along the wharf. 

She hurried to the closest one, but it was closed for the night as were all the others she tried. The boats that were docked, swaying gently in the tide, were all dark and no one seemed to be on any of them. 

None of where she was looked familiar to her as she walked further along the dock and she tried not to panic.  


_Need to find help. I’m okay, I just need to find help._  


She staggered down the pier and tried to read some of the signs, but she couldn't see much through the darkness.  


_Was she in Central City? Hell, was she even in the right_ universe?  


And she almost jumped out of her skin when she felt something shaking violently against her backside.  


Her cell phone was in her pocket.  


_What the hell?!_  


She couldn’t remember if she’d had on her when she’d been taken? If so, she hadn’t even been conscious of it the entire time she was in the mirror.  


_How was it even still on?_  


She pulled it out and saw that dozens and dozens of text messages, voicemails, and emails spanning over several weeks were all coming through at once.  


It was almost surreal for her to be looking at a phone screen after all this time. 

The vibrations through her hand and the colorful icons flashing across her eyes felt extremely odd and faintly familiar at the same time.  


But, it reminded her of her GPS app which she loaded up, holding her breath and praying that she was in the right place.  


Central City Meat Market.  


BINGO!  


She was on the edge of town.  


S.T.A.R Labs was 3 miles away.  


She sent up a prayer of gratitude and for protection and made her way off the pier.

 

Iris couldn’t say how, but somehow she found her way to S.T.A.R Labs in a sluggish daze.  


With every step she prayed that her weak knees would hold her tired body up long enough for her to reach home, wherever he was.  


But, Cisco and Caitlin were the only ones in the cortex when she stumbled in and they nearly fainted themselves when they saw her.  


It took only a few minutes for them to realize they weren’t seeing a ghost or being tricked and they had Iris in bed and hooked up to about 12 machines before she could blink.  


She waved off their dozens of rapid questions and answered briefly the inquiries she couldn't ignore.  


Yes, she'd been alive this whole time. Her death was faked.  


She didn't know how she escaped.  


No, she didn't know where she'd been hidden.  


No, she didn't know where Mirror Master was.  


No, she wasn't hurt, but she'd walked for miles alone in the dark and just wanted to catch her breath.  


“My family?” Iris managed in a raspy voice after they'd given her a moment. “Barry?” Iris asked hopefully after Caitlin helped her take a sip of water.  


She didn’t miss the somber look that passed between Cisco and Caitlin.  


Cisco brushed back a strand of Iris's hair behind her ear and Caitlin gently prodded her to lie back down.  


“We’ll call Joe and Wally right away,” Caitlin told her gently, with tears in her eyes. “They’ll be _so_ happy to see you.”  


Cisco pulled the blanket up to Iris’s chin and the two of them rushed out of the room.  


Iris let out a deep breath and leaned her head back. She, once again, couldn’t seem to form a lasting thought.  


She realized she was probably in shock.  


Iris thought she's only closed her eyes for a second when suddenly a loud gasp forced her them wide open.  


Her father and brother were standing in the doorway, pure disbelief on their faces.  


“Hi, guys,” Iris smiled widely, though her voice was weak. She held out her arms and then Wally and Joe were flanking her bed in an instant, squeezing her tightly.  


Joe was laughing and crying at the same time and Wally was asking her how she was feeling, how this was possible over and over again.  


“I’m okay,” she told them when they pulled back. “I’ll be okay. How are you guys? I’ve missed you so much.” Iris whispered, her voice catching at the end.  


“Oh,” Joe breathed. He felt his heart breaking and healing simultaneously. He couldn’t even grab onto the one of the thousands of emotions he was feeling all at once. All he could do was thank whoever was listening for this miracle right in front of him.  


Iris was here.  


He was touching her and holding her and laughing with her.  


She looked absolutely terrified and her face was smudged with dirt, but she was here.  


Questions would be answered and serious discussions would inevitably come, but this moment was only bliss.  


All Joe could find the mind to do was lean back down and hold his children as tightly as he possibly could to him.  


_They were whole again. They were safe._  


But, then he remembered one that was still lost in the night.  


_Almost whole._

 

After about an hour that passed much too quickly, filled with talking and laughing and crying, Iris couldn’t really keep pretending that her thoughts didn’t turn back to Barry every couple of seconds.  


Everyone was clearly running out of ways to divert the conversation from Iris’s expectant looks.  


Cisco hadn’t returned with Caitlin when her family showed up and his ability to bring lightness and humor to tense or uncomfortable situations was sorely missed.  


"Where is Barry?" Iris finally asked after Caitlin announced her vitals were getting stronger.  


No one said anything.  


Iris looked from her brother to her friend before landing on her father.  


Not a single one would look her in the eyes.  


“Dad,” she said firmly. She waited until he brought his eyes up slowly before she asked. "How bad is it?"  


Joe sighed and put a comforting hand on her leg. “It’s not good, Iris. It's not good.”  


Tears pricked her eyes and she nodded her head.  


"Okay," she said.  


She didn't ask again.  


Joe, Wally and Caitlin sat with her for a long, long while, only leaving when they saw her fighting to keep her eyes open.  


As much as she hated to, Caitlin put on her doctor cap and shooed Joe and Wally so that Iris could get some rest.  


Iris waited until her family said their goodbyes and walked out the room before she addressed Caitlin, who was checking her vitals one last time.  


"Caitlin," Iris said in a low voice.  


Caitlin knew what Iris wanted as soon as she looked at her.  


She sighed and lowered herself onto the bed. She said nothing for such a long time, Iris thought she'd have to ask her again, but then Caitlin spoke.  


"Barry had a... very difficult time after you-after we all thought you were dead."  


Iris nodded. That was an understatement.  


"We all tried to help him as much as we could, but-" Caitlin's voice broke. She cleared her throat and tried again.  


"We all tried to support him, to help him through the grief and the pain, but we couldn't. He lost something the day you died. Something inside of him-a light went out. Barry had already lost _so_ much in his life. But, he's the strongest person I've ever met. He's lost a lot, but if he had to, he could've overcome so much more." A tear fell and 

Caitlin wiped it away, almost angrily.  


"He could've survived anything else. If it were anyone else taken... it would've been difficult, of course, and it would have taken time, but he could've overcome it. Losing you, Iris. It was too much. He didn't- he couldn't-" Caitlin shook her head.  


"It's okay, Caitlin," Iris said comforting her. "It's okay. I know."  


Caitlin shook her head "No Iris, it's-"  


Iris cut her off "I know, Caitlin, it's okay" she said firmly, giving her a pointed look "I know."  


Caitlin was confused, "You know? How?"  


"Mirror Master. He had a window that showed everything that was happening on the outside. I've seen everything since I've been gone."  


"Oh my God, Iris, what-"  


"I just- I need to know how we can get him back," Iris said, panicking a little. She didn’t want to delve into that dark box.  


Caitlin sighed "He's not who he used to be. He's not the same man you used to know, Iris. That guy is long gone. You shouldn't be anywhere near this new-"  


"He's still Barry. He always will be. He's just lost. We have to help him," Iris said adamantly.  


Caitlin gave her a sad look before putting on a comforting smile. "You need to rest," she told her, gently patting her hand. “We will talk in the morning." She didn't give Iris a chance to protest before she got up, straightened Iris's blankets and hurried out the door, shutting the lights off on her way out.  


Of course, Iris couldn't sleep.  


She wanted to get up and demand someone listen to her, but her legs felt like lead and her feet were bruised and cut up.  


So she listened to the beeps and hums of the machines around her. And she listened to the clicks of the computer Caitlin was typing away in the cortex outside her door.  


She was grateful that, at least this silence was filled with nuance and the music of everyday, not the maddening sound of nothingness she was surrounded by in the mirror.  


She counted along with the sounds: one tick of her heart monitor for every five clicks of Caitlin's keyboard. Nine drips of whatever fluid Caitlin had her hooked up to for every three hisses of the radiator.  


"Cisco!" she heard Caitlin suddenly yell in the cortex, jerking the entire space they were in out of its serene lull. "What did you do?" she demanded furiously.  


Iris sat up, worried.  


"He's not going to hurt her, Cait. He may be dark and twisty, but you should know that would never change. He has a right to see her, too. More than any of us."  


Iris's heart started beating rapidly against her chest.  


"She's sleeping," Caitlin said in a hard tone that didn't fit her. "You have to come back in a few hours. Give her until morning to get some rest."  


"Caitlin-" Cisco started, but she cut him off.  


"No, Cisco. You shouldn't have done this." She said.  


There was a long pause.  


And then a third voice said something in a very low tone. Iris strained her body towards the door in an effort to hear what the person was saying, but it was no use.  


Caitlin scoffed and Iris listened as the sound of her heels grew faint as she walked away.  


She heard the familiar _whoosh_ before she saw the flash of yellow lightening through the opaque door and her heart was racing rapidly, painfully, against her ribs.  


Or maybe it stopped beating altogether.  


Barry.  


He slowly and quietly opened the door and stopped when he saw that she was sitting up, wide awake and staring at him.  


"Barry."  


She couldn't control his name sliding off her tongue and filling the space between them as if it were a lifeline.  


As if it was the most important sound in the universe.  


“Iris.” he said in that soft, awestruck way he always said her name.  


"Barry," She repeated, her eyes flooding with tears and her face breaking out into the widest smile.  


He seemed to move in super speed and slow-motion all at the same time.  


He was at her side before she could blink, his eyes were red and wide in disbelief, a shaking hand grabbed her hers while the other came to rest on her cheek.  


"You're alive," he told her, his voice cracking. “But, how? I saw him drive his staff through your heart," he shook his head. "I saw him shatter the glass…I-I watched you-"  


“I’m alive, Barry. It was an illusion. He tried and it didn't work. So he's kept me alive in the mirror all this time. Whatever you saw wasn't real," Iris assured him.  


The light flooding in from the open door allowed her a clear view of Barry.  


He looked frightened and shocked and indescribably happy all at once.  


But, as she spoke, the clear hunch of his shoulders seemed to get less and less.  


His features softened and he stood up a little straighter.  


He let out a long breath that seemed to hold a lifetime of pain and closed his eyes, reaching for her and engulfing her as tightly as he could in his arms.  


She immediately returned the embrace.  


Sobs wracked his body as he pulled her even tighter still. He said her name over and over and over again, as if he were whispering a prayer.  


After a moment, Iris let her hands roam. She tried to memorize every line, every plane of his body. She familiarized herself with the amazing feel of his body against hers and learned the feel of all the lines, wrinkles, and hard creases that were new.  


Neither of them could say how much time passed with them just holding each other.  


Barry breathed in the scent of her. Iris's hands felt like coming home after a 10 year journey. It felt like the sweetest, smoothest water after being lost in a desert.  


Iris felt like love and goodness and light and he immediately cannot fathom that he'd ever had to be without her.  


But, after a while, she also reminded him that he'd left behind the life he'd known with her.  


He didn't regret all that he'd done. He hurt the people who helped a man harm the most beautiful soul on this earth. He could never regret paying them back for everything they'd done.  


But, their family and friends didn't understand why he was doing what he'd been doing.  


They had started to keep their distance. 

They looked at him like he was a monster.  


Would Iris do that too?  


Would she want these hands touching her if she’d known what they’d done? What they were yet capable of doing? Would she run from them? Would she run from him?  


After an eternity that seemed much too short, he pulled back just a little. He had to try to find a way to ask her just that.  


But, the minute her eyes locked with his, though, he knew that she was aware of everything.  


It was clear from the way she was looking at him that someone had already told her what he'd become.  


She shushed him and put a hand to his cheek before he could even get a word out. “It’s okay, Barry."  


He hesitated for a moment, doubtful that it could really be okay after all they'd been through.  


"Iris I-"  


She stopped him again. "Everything’s going to be okay now.” She took his hand. “Everything’s going to be okay. ”  


And he told himself he could believe her.  


Even if it was only for tonight.  


"Okay," he said. His voice was so soft, she barely heard him.  


Iris moved over and made room for him on the bed. And when he hesitated, she pulled him in with her, cloaking them both in her blanket and leaning against his chest.

 

When the sunshine filtered through the tiny skylight, Iris squinted against the offending light, burrowing her face harder against her warm pillow. She wouldn’t mind not waking up for days.  


But, then the events from yesterday came rushing back and she opened her eyes to see that she was in fact still in S.T.A.R Labs and Barry was asleep beside her.  


She breathed a sigh of relief and burrowed back into the bed, turning her body to look at him.  


He looked younger when he was asleep, like how she remembered him-soft and untroubled and strong.  


Iris wondered what he was dreaming of. What thoughts were going through his mind at that exact moment? 

Did he dream of happy things, or did his peace come from the solitude of pure silence?  


She felt as if she could sleep for another hundred years, but she was also perfectly content to stay awake and watch the way Barry’s chest softly rose and fell, the way his 

impossibly long eyelashes fanned out and rested on his cheeks.  


He was laying on his side which exposed the tiny sliver of gray on his head and Iris reached up and touched it.  


His hair was longer, she noted. Much longer than she remembered, but it was soft to the touch, how Barry’s hair usually felt when he didn’t dowse it in gel. Iris tried to move his hair around, tried to hide the gray under the surrounding brown tresses, but it still peeked out, small, but stark and shiny.  


Iris gave up and moved her hand slowly down his face, running her fingertips along his cheekbones, his eyelashes, his nose, finally resting them on his lips.  


God, she’d missed him.  


She’d missed this face, warm and familiar. She missed kissing these lips.  


But, more than anything, she missed his deep green eyes looking back at her with so much love and amazement it made her heart skip. She’d resolved to escape her prison in the end, but deep down a part of her spent every single second terrified she’d never see his eyes again.  


And as if he could hear her thoughts, Barry squinted against the sunlight on his face, bringing a hand to rub his eyes before he all of a sudden flew upright and looked around.  


“Iris,” he said breathlessly before his eyes fell on her and he let out a deep sigh of relief.  


"What's wrong?" Iris asked, though she had an idea.  


"Nothing,” he said “I-I didn't think... I thought I'd wake up and last night would’ve been a dream."  


“Same,” Iris told him. She sat up too and put a hand on his shoulder. “But, this is real.”  


Barry smiled and captured her lips in a deep kiss.  


When they broke apart, he leaned his forehead against hers. “I missed you.”  


Iris smiled too and chased his lips with hers, only pulling away when Barry’s cellphone vibrated.  


“It’s Cisco,” he read “He’s on his way with Joe and Wally.”  


“We should get out of bed,” Iris said reluctantly, tossing off the blanket.  


Barry was hesitant too, but he agreed, helping Iris out of bed and to the bathroom down the hall.  


The bathroom and shower were handicap- accessible from evil Wells’ time there so Iris had support standing up while Barry ran to get her a change of clothes while she was in the shower.  


Iris had just gotten back to the room wearing Barry’s spare S.T.A.R Labs sweatshirt and sweatpants and was trying to braid her wet hair to the side when they heard the sound of multiple footsteps entering the cortex.  


Iris felt a nervous pit in her stomach. This would be the first time all of them would be together in who knows how long.  


Barry was a little apprehensive, too. Caitlin had practically bitten his head off last night when he showed up. He hadn’t seen Joe in a few weeks (not from Joe’s lack of trying) and the last time he saw Wally, the two of them had been seconds away from exchanging punches.  


He briefly wondered if he should just leave and come back when everyone was gone, save everyone the awkwardness, but he couldn’t bring himself to even suggest leaving Iris’s side after all this time.  


So he took a seat once again in the chair by her bed.  


To their credit, no one demanded to know why Barry was in Iris's room. Wally rolled his eyes and huffed as if he had been begrudgingly expecting this. Joe gave Barry a hesitant nod after he hugged Iris tightly and Cisco did the same.  


Caitlin hurried around Iris's room with practiced precision, checking her stats, taking her vitals, and asking Iris questions about her well-being with perfect fluidity. She hadn't really spared Barry a glance herself, choosing to stay mainly by Iris’s left side, totally away from where Barry sat.

Though she did squint at him when he held Iris’s hand after Caitlin pricked her foot to test her reflexes.

Caitlin announced most of the swelling in her feet had gone down and the cuts on her soles were nothing major and would heal just fine.

Iris smiled brightly and thanked her and Barry was caught by her smile. He watched her and couldn’t help the smile that formed on his own lips.

Joe was watching both Iris and Barry.

Looking at the two of them, Joe suddenly felt like he was being torn in two.

He’d dreamed of this moment for forever. Iris back with them once again, smiling her sunshine smile, surrounded by everyone who loved and missed her.

And Barry.

How long had he dreamed of seeing Barry smile again, even just once?

How long had it been since he’d recognized the young man he considered his son?

And here they were, together once again. But, Joe couldn’t pretend to be all too happy about that small detail.

As much as he loved Iris and wanted her to be happy, Barry hadn't been their Barry in a long time.

Joe never stopped trying to reach Barry, and looking at him now he finally saw a chance for Barry to find himself again.

Joe just wasn’t sure he wanted Iris to be around Barry while he did.

Barry was unpredictable these days; volatile and filled with such anger and Joe didn’t see that going away overnight.

But, how did he tell Iris this? And was it important enough to bring up right when she’s returned to them?

“I spent the night going over your blood samples," Caitlin said, bringing Joe out of his thoughts. "I was looking for any anomaly I could find, since you can’t remember where you were or what Mirror Master did to you. Everything looks okay now, but I want to run some more tests. And I want to take some X rays, CAT scans, Pet scans, that sort of thing today if you’re up to it. I just… want to be thorough.”

“Sure,” Iris agreed. “That would make me feel a lot better.”

“I’ll search the database for any weird metahuman sighting or strange activity anyone logged last night,” Cisco told the team.

“And Iris, you’ll need to describe exactly where you woke up last night. Landmarks, architecture, distinct sounds or smells- anything so we try to pinpoint the location.”

“It was pitch black, but I can try,” Iris told them confidently.

“Dad and I are going to head to my workshop,” Wally said. “If Mirror Master is out of hiding again, we have to be prepared. We haven’t heard from him in months and if he’s back I’ll get back to work on a weapon to stabilize the molecules of the mirrors he warps without needing extreme cold. The prototype worked well enough in training.”

“Wait, workshop?” Iris asked, confused. “Weapons?”

Since when was Wally engineering weapons and training with the team?

Wally flashed Iris that excited, boyish grin of his. “I rented out a shop of my own downtown. It’s kind of my base of operations when I’m not here, Wally explained. “But, I also spend most days creating gadgets and small weapons to use against metas,”

“But, you in the thick of things? That’s dangerous, Wally,” she said, worried, although she looked at her father wondering how on earth over-protective Joe West agreed to let Wally help take down bad guys. “And what about school?” Iris added on.

At that question, everyone looked at her in confusion and underlying worry.

Wally looked at Caitlin, “I thought you said...that she could see,” he started slowly. “That she knew..." he didn't really know how to proceed.

"You told me yesterday that the room you were trapped in had a window to all of us on the outside," Caitlin reminded Iris carefully.

"It did," Iris confirmed. "I saw all of you the whole time I was there."

"What did you see?" Caitlin asked.

"I don't know," Iris shrugged, shifting. She didn't want to relive all of what her life had been in there.

How do you recount seeing your own funeral or seeing the people closest to you go through such painful moments, happy moments, sad moments without you being able to be there for any of it.

"I saw everything," Iris landed on after an internal struggle. "I saw you all. Living your lives."

"But, you never saw Wally? I mean you don't know...” Cisco asked , trailing off as if he were expecting Iris to finish his sentence.

"What?" she asked getting a little anxious. “I don’t know what?”

"I graduated about 6 months ago," Wally told her regretfully.

"What was the last thing you remember seeing?" Joe asked.

He realized they’d taken for granted Iris not needing to be filled in on everything she’d missed out on. They’d thought it was a twisted silver lining when Caitlin told them Iris apparently already knew about Barry and had been aware of their lives since she’d been gone.

He had been grateful he wouldn’t have to break news to her and watch her face crumble with surprise or sadness. But, apparently that wasn’t the case.

Iris tried to remember what she’d seen. The last time she saw anything in the vanity was right before Mirror Master brought her out. It was Barry, killing another meta that worked for Mirror Master.

But, Iris wasn't about to bring that up so she racked her brain for another memory right around that one.

"Harry opened up a museum. In the hanger. He opened a commemorative exhibit about the Flash." She remembered. It was one of the happier moments she’d clung to.

"That was the very last thing?" Joe asked sadly.

"Yes," she nodded.

Cisco opened his phone and seemed to be counting something before sharing a subtle look with Caitlin.

“What is it?” Iris asked him.

"Harry opened the museum a while ago,” Caitlin told her softly.

“A lot has happened since then,” Cisco told her gently. He looked over at Wally and Iris in her growing shock followed his eyes.

Wally sighed regretfully and held up his "I'm fast now, Iris. I'm a speedster."

“Wha-?” she squeaked in confusion. Iris ran over the memories in her head that were quickly starting to jumble and trip over each other.

Wally going out for ice cream with Jesse after he cried in his room once again.

Wally going to class and slowly going out with his friends again.

Wally and Joe going to put flowers at the bench they’d installed in her honor at the park since there’d been no body.

Wally shoving Barry hard in the chest after he refused to let Wally continue to help sort through Iris's things when he suggested throwing some of it away.

That was it.

She couldn’t remember seeing anything else huge with Wally.

“How did that happen? How did I not see that? What does that mean?” Iris asked in fear.

And suddenly she thought that maybe, she should ask the right question.

"How long was I gone?"

"Maybe we should-" Wally started.

"Please, just tell me," Iris pleaded.

"18 months. A year and a half."

A year and a half. She'd been trapped in that glass prison all that time?

18 months.

_18 months._

That was the amount of time it had taken her to finish grad school.

That was longer than Barry had been in his coma.

Longer than Barry had been gone after his father died.

That was longer than it took for lightening to strike. Longer than it took for her to fall in love, lose love and heal enough to move on.

And all of that with Eddie already felt like another life ago.

_18 months._

That was enough time to live a whole lifetime.

She’d been gone for a whole lifetime.

And she struggled to find the words.

“I-I don’t. I don’t understand,” Iris managed to say.

“I’m sorry, Iris,” Barry said softly.

Iris shook her head. “I- it couldn’t have been almost 2 years. I don’t understand, it felt like several weeks, a few months at most. I watched you guys every day,” Iris said, her voice got a little louder, but she couldn’t help it. “I watched the sun rise and set. It couldn’t have been for almost 2 years. It- that’s not right.”

“It’s true, Iris. I’m sorry,” Caitlin told her.

Iris tried to shake her head again, but Caitlin put a firm hand on her shoulder and made sure Iris was looking at her. “I’m sorry, Iris. But, it’s true. You went missing on March 14th 2016. Barry found you in the abandoned warehouse on Williamson street on March 18th and that’s when the mirror shattered and you were trapped. Today is September 25th 2017.”

Iris looked at Caitlin with wide eyes. “Today is September 2017.” She repeated slowly.

Caitlin nodded.

“I was trapped for a year and a half,” she said, though she phrased it as if she were asking for Caitlin’s agreement.

“Yes,” Caitlin said.

Iris looked around, but everyone was either looking away or looking at her with pity.

Iris nodded and ducked her head. “I think I need a minute,” she whispered after a pause.

Barry and Joe stepped forward, but Iris held up a hand. “I think I need a minute to myself,” she repeated slowly. “To…process…this.”

Everyone muttered their concern and offered words of comfort, but they did as she bade and slipped out of her room one by one.

Barry was the last to leave, his eyes lingering on the top of her head as he slowly walked to the door.

Iris kept her head down, but he saw her shoulders start to shake and her chest start to heave just as the door closed behind him.

 

“I think she’s finally asleep,” Caitlin reported an hour later, after she’d peeked into Iris’s room.

They all were assembled in the hallway and had been since they’d left Iris’s room.

They’d waited to see if she’d want them back, but now that she’d worn herself out, Wally along with Joe and Cisco, agreed they’d go to their respective workshops to make headway on the weapons and return when she woke up.

Caitlin went to run tests on Iris’s new blood samples and Barry was left to wander the halls until Iris woke up.

He knew he had to help everyone else in their search for Mirror Master. He'd diverged from their mode of operations, but that didn't mean he wouldn't work with them if it meant finally putting an end to this hell.

He went in search of someway to be useful and eventually found himself in front of Cisco’s lab. He was instantly hit with memories of late nights working together, watching movies and playing video games as he walked through the door.

"Hey," Barry greeted, hesitantly.

Cisco looked up from what he was working on.

"Hey," Cisco greeted back.

"Thank you. For…" he tried to find the words of gratitude for what Cisco had done last night.

"Don't mention it," Cisco said, waving him off.

“No,” Barry insisted. “Thank you. You didn’t have to do that.”

He looked at Barry for a moment with an unreadable expression. “Yes, I did,” Cisco replied, but he went back to whatever he was screwing and seemed to put an end to that conversation.

"What are those?" Barry asked after shuffling his feet.

Cisco grinned. "My gauntlets,” he said. He couldn't help the excitement that danced across his face. "My powers came in fully. These help control them."

And Barry couldn’t help the tiny flicker of pride that bloomed in his chest. "You're full-on Vibing now?"

"Yeah, it's great,” Cisco said. “It’s not just Vibing, I can do what Reverb could on Earth-2, vibrate molecules in the air, affect meta’s nervous systems, that kind of thing. I mean obviously, can’t shatter anything, but it’s getting there if I would ever need to. I try to help out Wally and Jesse as much as I can.”

“Wow,” Barry mouthed, impressed.

Cisco seemed excited enough about his powers. And Barry knew how much he’d always wanted to be out in the field instead of behind a computer. He wondered how he hadn’t heard anything about Vibe taking down metas out on the streets.

Cisco was watching Barry closely. He had been ever since he showed up at his apartment to drag him to S.T.A.R Labs. In few minutes he’d been around him now, he saw Barry go through more emotions than he had in almost two years.  
Confused, sad, scared, happy, and since he’d entered the workshop, apprehensive.

Barry kept looking around at all the different equipment scattered throughout the room, no doubt thinking about the past.

Cisco and Barry had always joked and talked about the Flash and Vibe teaming up to protect Central City. They’d laughed and argued over their team name and whether or not they should have matching suits.

But, plans had changed.

Nevertheless, even though he was cautious, Cisco was still hopeful the future could be brighter.

“I was going to test these out downstairs,” Cisco said. “I could use a training partner if you’re up to it since we have a few hours to kill. Nothing crazy,” he added quickly when he saw Barry’s eyes dart to the door.

"What'd you have in mind?" Barry asked.

“I don’t know. Some simple drills? Maybe a lightening toss test-run against the gauntlets?” He suggested.

Barry teetered on the edge of actually agreeing for a moment before he got up and stuffed his hands in his pockets. "I should actually go see if Iris is still sleeping. I don't want her to wake up alone," he said.

"Yeah. Sure right," Cisco agreed, stuffing down his rejection. “Some other time then.”

“Yeah, sure,” Barry said as he quickly walked past him.

Once Barry rounded the corner in the hallway, he stopped and took a breath, debating whether he should go back, but he sighed and continued on to Iris’s room.

 

It took the better part of the day, but eventually, Iris started to feel a little better.

She'd been asleep when Barry had slipped into her room, but she didn't kick him out when she woke up.

She cried some more, wondering out loud how she'd lost a year of her life- of _their_ lives, but she'd let Barry comfort her as best he could until her family returned and they all sat with her until the hour was late and they all said goodnight.

Iris asked Barry to stay with her again and he readily agreed.

Once they were settled in and comfortable in silence, Barry asked with trepidation “Do you want to talk about what happened there?” Where you were?”

“No,” Iris said right away, and then she thought for a minute. “I don’t know,” she sighed. “Not much to talk about. I was trapped in an endless room for a year and a half. No one to talk to, I was there with no explanation for months.”

Barry nodded. “We never really got an answer for that either. The warehouse where you were-“ Barry stopped and blinked and Iris put a comforting hand on his arm. He tried again. “I saw pages and pages of your articles scattered around that warehouse. They went back years. Most of them were about the Flash,” Barry said with guilt.

“He talked about you every day. And it was with such visceral rage,” Iris told him.

“Did he…did he hurt you?”

“He tried what he could with his taunts and jeering, but I felt numb to most of it anyway,” Iris shrugged. “Until he got so weak he just stayed away altogether most days. After a while I wondered why he didn’t just-“ she broke off when she realized her voice was drenched in bitterness and her thoughts were getting dark. But, Barry knew what she was about to say. She felt his body give a tiny jerk and his breath hitched slightly.

_After a while I wondered why he didn’t just kill me._

Barry looked at her with sad eyes and Iris knew he was about to ask her if that’s what she’d wanted.

So she moved a little away from him and tugged on her sweater. “I’m really tired, Barry and I don’t want to talk about this right now,” she said.

Barry quickly apologized and she nodded. Iris turned off the light and the room was filled with darkness once again. She burrowed under the covers and after a minute she reached for Barry and drew close to him so he wouldn’t think she was made at him.

It took no time at all for their breathing to even out and sleep to overtake them.

Iris didn’t tell him about the blue lightening. After that brief exchange, she didn’t really tell him anything else about her time in captivity. He’d broached the subject again two days later. He’d wanted to know all he could about what she’d been through, but she shut him down completely that time. She told him she wanted to focus on the moment they were in, and with the tremble in her voice when she said it, Barry had let it go.

But, it was clear no one else was comfortable enough with pressing Iris for details about what she’d been through. Joe firmly had told them it was best to try not to upset her by prying into her experience. As a cop, he dealt with more than his fair share of kidnapping survivors and probing too harshly and too quickly never ended well.

So they didn’t.

They worked hard to make her laugh and to bring her all the foods she’d missed eating, all the books and music she’d dreamed about while she was locked away. And they didn’t probe.

 

Caitlin was trying to type up Iris's progression on her charts, but she kept losing her focus to the laughter and low chatter coming from the room on her left.

Even with the door almost closed, Caitlin could still hear their giggling and hushed conversations.

And after almost a week of having Iris in S.T.A.R Labs, Caitlin knew from routine that if she walked into Iris’s room right now, she'd find Iris and Barry huddled up on Iris's small bed, smiling and talking in affectionate whispers.

When Iris wasn't eating or having more tests run or spending time with Wally and Joe or Cisco, she and Barry spent all their time like this. Sitting as close to each other as they could, talking about everything they could for hours on end.

It was heartwarming and Caitlin hadn't realized just how much seeing Barry and Iris together as a couple in love had been a bright spot in her life.

That hadn't changed when Iris was gone. She'd be hard-pressed to admit it, but the pain she felt from Iris's death wasn't so much about losing someone she'd grown to call a friend.

It was the way it felt like she was looking at her own reflection when they'd found Barry in that abandoned warehouse, fingers soaked in blood as he tried in vain to put the broken pieces of glass back together. As he proclaimed over and over and over again that Iris wasn't gone.

That it wasn't possible.

That she had to somewhere. Just out of reach. And he had to find her and bring her home.

As much as she tried to deny it, Caitlin knew that was what made her most angry at Barry all this time.

They'd both lost the loves of their lives, but the way they’d both dealt with that couldn’t have been more different.

Caitlin wasn’t so out of touch with her emotions that she couldn’t recognize why she’d really been so angry at Barry these past few months.

It was anger and disappointment at how he chose to deal with villains, but if she were truly being honest with herself, she felt jealousy more than anything.

She was jealous that after being hurt by others and screwed over by the universe for the umpteenth time, Barry had said fuck it, and lost his inhibitions.

She understood why Barry had given into the darkness. Some nights when she returned, yet again to her empty apartment, and she passed by the pictures on her mantle that memorialized a person and a love that was snuffed out too early.

When she had to check off “widowed” on forms.

When she had to work every day in her husband’s first tomb, or when she would randomly look up at the sky and wonder if his lost body was somewhere overhead- she understood _exactly_ why Barry wasn’t strong enough to stay in the light.

And she envied him for being able to let go, for flipping off the high road, for hurting the people who hurt him. Hurt his soulmate.

Some nights, not too often, but often enough, Caitlin wished she could too.

She sighed and switched off her computer, knowing she wouldn’t get any work done until Iris either fell asleep or went for a walk.

Caitlin quietly crept to Iris's door and peered in through the tiny crack of the slightly opened door and, sure enough, saw Barry and Iris on her bed, curled into each other.

Iris was playing with Barry's hair while his hand ran up and down her thigh affectionately.

Caitlin smiled, sighed again, and walked out of the cortex to see if Cisco could distract her for a few hours.

"I can’t believe you cut your hair!” Iris repeated in surprise. “I thought the longer hair was gonna be the new normal. But, this is even shorter than when I left."

Barry gave her a pointed look and Iris laughed. "Hey, I never said you had to cut it. I had just made one tiny comment on how long it'd gotten." She shrugged.

'One comment’. About every half hour. For the last 4 days," Barry recalled.

"You can't be upset that you gave into peer pressure, Barry." Iris teased, flicking his ear.

Barry tickled the back if her knee and Iris giggled, kicking his hand away before they settled and a comfortable silence washed over them once more.

They were both extremely grateful that they’d found some semblance of a routine when it came to their relationship. The past week had been filled with a lot of tears and painful conversations.

Iris learned bit-by-bit about the important milestones she’d missed out on.

Her father had found comfort in Cecile and a sense of normalcy in putting bad guys away so that no father would have to hurt the way he hurt.

He’d proposed to her few months ago and they were getting married in the summer.

Wally had graduated with honors and got a contract engineering new tech for CCPD to combat the changing landscape of crime.

Jesse alternated between Earth 1 and Earth 2, fighting crime and taking classes at CCU to try and reach her goal of having 10 degrees under her belt.

Harry had commissioned and opened a Flash museum to celebrate the hero the Flash had once been. "So that the town would always remember even while some of them forgot."

It had been Harry’s last contribution to the team before he abruptly retired and retreated to Earth 7 to contribute to research in restorative bio-technologies in a meta-free world.

Speaking of, apparently Cisco was a full-blown metahuman. His powers had fully manifested and he was prone to suit up himself when he wasn’t needed behind a computer.

Iris tried not to be overwhelmed by all the information she received. She was happy that her friends and family had joyful news to share in the midst of pain. And she knew from their initial hesitance to share that they almost felt bad about telling her all she’d missed, only sharing at her constant prompting, but that didn’t stop the weight in her chest from getting a little bit heavier with each story.

It was only Caitlin and Barry who refused to tell her anything about their missing year and a half no matter how much she pushed. They were very skillful in subtly leading the conversations away from themselves each time Iris asked.

She wasn’t sure about Caitlin, but she obviously knew why Barry didn’t want to delve into all of it.

After that second night, there was a nervous energy that was constantly buzzing deep down as they waited for a shoe to drop or a sentence or gesture to remind them of the year and a half that had inevitably changed them. So when they could, they soaked any joy they could in between the sadness.

It was nice that they were trying to remember what they’d always been- best friends who could laugh and enjoy each other effortlessly without the weight of the world seemingly on their backs.

Iris went back to playing with Barry's hair, but he noticed her hands were only focused on one spot. The small area where his hair had gone gray. She did that a lot, he realized.

"I don't think this highlight is your color, baby." Iris joked. She'd wanted it to come out playful and light, but Barry heard a faint sadness in her voice.

He reached up and grabbed her hand, intertwining their fingers and bringing them down, placing a soft kiss on the back of her hand.

"Do you suppose it's permanent?" Iris asked him gently after he didn't answer.

"I don't know," he shrugged, looking down at their locked hands on his lap.

"Does it-," he stopped and cleared his throat. "Does that bother you?" He tried to sound leveled, causal, but his voice was a little wobbly.

She thought for a long minute.

Yes.

That was her first answer.

It bothered her that her 26 year old boyfriend went through so much trauma and grief and pain that his hair turned white.

It bothered her that, if it weren't for his rapid healing and the baby face he'd already possessed, his skin would probably bear the same signs of rapid aging and pain.

"No," she said emphatically. "It's a part of you now. I love every part of you."

Barry looked up at her with an unreadable expression and before he could press that statement, her alarm went off, signaling it was time to take her meds.

He let out a breath and got up to grab them from the counter. It seemed like Caitlin had her on an unnecessary amount of pills, but Barry knew they were mostly vitamin infused and were probably for the best.

Iris had gotten back on her feet relatively quickly. After two days, she was able to walk around STAR Labs without fuss and yesterday, she’d even been able to get dolled up and meet Linda at the dimly lit, secluded coffee shop down the street to catch up with her and try for a semblance of normalcy herself without the team or her family constantly hovering over her.

Wally had brought Linda to STAR Labs the day before to see Iris, figuring that seeing her in person and easing her into an explanation would be less terrifying than answering a phone call in the middle of CCPN from a friend who’d been dead for the last year.

Linda had taken Iris’s resurface in stride.

Granted, she’d fainted for a few minutes after she saw Iris standing in the middle of the cortex with a huge smile, but once she’d come to and was able to hear Iris’s experience, she’d taken the whole thing a lot better than they could’ve hoped.

They laughed and enjoyed themselves at the café. Linda was happy to lead the conversation. After she made absolutely sure Iris was okay, she filled their time together with light, fun stories, letting Iris in on all that had happened at CCPN the past 18 months, big pop culture references she'd missed out on, the endings to shows they'd been watching on Netflix before she'd disappeared.

Iris couldn’t describe how grateful she was that Linda didn’t dwell on Iris’s abduction in a way that showed she pitied her or was scared of her. She just talked to her as if they were two old friends catching up after a long separation. There was no pity or fear or pain or sadness in her eyes when she looked at Iris. Only joy. And Iris was appreciative because she couldn’t say the same for most of the team.

Dinner with Linda had been a big turning point after a week of silently feeling depressed over all she’d lost. It let Iris know that she had a real chance to get back to her old life. That she could find a way to move past what had happened to her and not have it define who she was or erase the person she had been before all of this.

She was hopeful and encouraged.

But, she wasn’t home free yet.

Caitlin had insisted Iris go through some physical therapy as well before she could be released from her care.  
In the autopsies of Mirror Master's other victims-the ones who he'd let rot in his mirror until he had no more use for them, dropping them off anywhere between the edge of town and the heart of the city- bone atrophy, dehydration, (and delirium in the few who lived just long enough to tell their story) were the most common findings.

But, besides new, sudden bouts of vertigo and some vitamin deficiencies, Iris's physical health was inexplicably in top form.

She was healthy and not lacking significantly in any of her tests. For all the time that she spent in the mirror, her faculties were all still intact.

She just had short, but extreme bouts of dizziness and disorientation that randomly hit her throughout the day.

Caitlin had her on anti-nausea and dizziness medications, but the team found that Iris going on walks twice a day helped a lot.

So she spent time with Caitlin, tweaking her meds to fit her symptoms and walking around the entire S.T.A.R Labs building twice a day, once with Barry and Wally in the mornings and in the evening with Cisco.

As much as she loved her friends and family for nursing her, with each passing day, she was getting more and more stir crazy from never leaving the building except for her one night with Linda.

So she’d been extremely grateful when Barry, Caitlin, Wally and Joe walked in together one morning, taking their usual places around her room in routine.

Barry pulled up his usual chair by her bedside and asked "Can I?" Gesturing to her hand.

Iris held out her hand and gave him a smile which he returned, but she was surprised to see that his eyes were red-rimmed and a little glassy.

Before she could ask him what was wrong, Caitlin started going over Iris's schedule for the day.

Caitlin did this every single day, going over what medication she wanted Iris to try and what physical therapy exercise they were going to work through to help with her vertigo. And her family always sat in (with Iris's blessing) because they wanted to be in the loop.

"I think we can try a skin patch if you're feeling up to it today? It's the same Scopolamine med you took a few days ago, but the patch may give you better release intervals and be more effective. We can try to isolate what's causing your vertigo and disorientation since the Lorazepam isn't working too well,” Caitlin explained to her.

"Okay," Iris said.

She was growing wary of being pumped with pills. But, on the other hand, the sudden drops of balance and steady consciousness that plagued her were absolutely terrifying so she reasoned she could maybe hold off on complaining about it.

“You guys don’t want to be late for work,” Iris said to her dad and brother. They usually tried to linger around in the mornings, shuffling their feet and taking their time to make sure she was alright for the day and she’d have to shoo them out before they lost their jobs.

"I'll see you tonight," Wally said after hugging her goodbye.

"I'll swing by around lunch, kiddo" Joe promised, kissing her cheek. "Don't push yourself too much."

"I won't, dad. I'll see you guys later," Iris replied.

"I'll go get downstairs set up. I'll be back in a little while," Caitlin said, following Joe and Wally out the door.

Iris thought it was suspicious when they all left without sparing Barry a second glance.

Usually they would fix him with an openly weary look or a wary smile, but they just filed out of the room as if he were invisible.

"What happened?" Iris asked once they were alone.

"Nothing," Barry answered, shaking his head.

She gave him a pointed look and he looked down, suddenly finding her blanket very interesting.

"Caitlin says you'll probably be discharged by tomorrow." He said.

Iris perked up. "Really?" she asked with a wide smile.

And Barry couldn't help but reciprocate, but he was clearly upset about something.

"So, what's the problem?" She asked confused.

"We never talked about... what comes after this," he said slowly.

"You mean after I leave S.T.A.R Labs?" Iris asked in confusion.

He nodded. "Caitlin and Wally don't like that I'm here. They made that _very_ clear earlier. And your dad is trying to be nice, but even he doesn't think it's a good idea for you to come home with me," Barry shrugged.

And Iris hated that he looked small and unsure of himself.

"If you want to of course-" he added after she didn't say anything.

"I- I never left...our place. I never moved out. Everything's exactly the same,” he admitted. He looked at her earnestly. “And I can take care of you while we get through all of this, Iris. I swear."

Iris grabbed his hand and cut him off. "Baby."

Barry's eyes shot up.

"I want to see our home again."

"Are you sure, I don’t want to force-"

Iris shook her head and shushed him again. "Tomorrow. You and me, we'll walk out of here together and we'll go back to our home together. I've missed it."

And Barry's shoulders relaxed and Iris pulled him into a tight hug, her face in the crook of his neck as he did the same.

"Okay, he said happily.

She kissed his neck and pulled away. “I better go find Caitlin before she decides to add another ten pills to my arsenal.” Iris joked. She kissed his cheek and hurried downstairs.

Usually when Iris was working with Caitlin, Barry sped out of the building to spend a few hours away from critical eyes and halls that seemed to hold his best and worst memories simultaneously. He spent time at the waterfront or at the park.

He also used the spare time to round up any contact of Mirror Master’s he could remember to ask about the last time they heard from him.

And so far, he’d actually really only had to talk. His brutal reputation was established enough that those he came across we’re more than willing to share without threat. And even if they hadn’t, Barry had already decided he wasn’t going to resort to violence if he could help it.

He didn’t tell Iris about where he went when she was busy. He really didn’t want to upset her. And if he could at least keep the violence at a very low minimum, he didn’t feel like he was going behind her back.

Since she’d come back, Barry sometimes felt as if he were suspended between two realities.

Just as quickly and surely as that dark, unquenchable rage had washed over him a year ago after CCPN’s award ceremony, the very second he saw Iris sitting in that bed, it had vanished. It was as if the anger and hate he’d worn as a shield since she’d been taken completely fell away.

It was literally there one minute and gone the next. And by the time she smiled at him and said his name, Barry could almost forget what it was like to feel anything other than incomprehensible joy.

But, when they woke up the next morning, and he saw how scared she looked in the daylight and how broken up she was when she found out how long she’d been gone, those other feelings started to creep back in.

He wasn't encompassed in that dark rage, but he was still angry and sad for her and constantly thinking about how to keep her safe this time.

It didn’t help that Barry felt every single person around him was wondering the same about him.

So today, Barry decided to hang around the lab to give it all a break.

If Iris was coming home tomorrow with him, he needed to be in the right headspace, ready to help with whatever she needed. And he couldn’t do that if he was pumped up by whatever information he got from unrepentant criminals.

He wandered out of her room and contemplated going down to where she was, but decided against it. She needed to work with Caitlin without him hovering over her too much.

Cisco hadn't come in yet so Barry shuffled into the cortex, stopping when he got to the center of the room.

He looked around. It’d been at least a year since the last time he’d stood there. It was familiar, but there were a few noticeable changes. Wally and Jesse’s suits rested side-by-side in the nook that Barry’s used to stay.

There was also a monitor that seemed to be designated to each member of the team listing their whereabouts in the last 24 hours, their “last check-in time”, and their “current project.”

Barry wondered at that, but his eyes moved on, continuing to pick out new things- the giant plant taking up space in the corner, no doubt put there by Jesse, the advanced-looking tech taking up space on a wooden table.

What stopped Barry was the picture mounted on the main wall. It was large and encompassed by a beautiful and intricate mahogany frame and Barry wondered how on earth he’d missed it on his passing by the room back and forth this past week.

Iris.

She was smiling brightly in the picture, her eyes twinkling in the sun and her head was slightly thrown back in the way it did when she laughed too hard.

Her brown skin was even more sun-kissed, as if she’d been at the beach and her face held a glow that seemed almost inconceivable.

The sun was shining on her rich brown tresses and whoever had snapped the photo had somehow managed to capture the mischievous, warm, and cheerful openness she had about her.

And underneath the frame were three words inscribed on a plaque.

Truth. Faith. Always.

He stared at the picture for a very long time. His eyes traced over every line and plane of her face. He tried to memorize the sparkle in the eyes, the brightness of her smile, the way her nose scrunched up in joy.

They had loved her too.

That thought flitted through his mind unbidden and completely unexpectedly.

Cisco, Caitlin, the team, even Central City as whole. They’d all loved her too. And they lost her.

Barry was confused because, logically, he knew this.

He’d lamented about that too for the longest time, but he didn’t know why standing here now, looking at this wall, he was finally able to absorb that his friends had suffered too.

They'd truly hurt too.

He’d seen their tears and grief and he knew it was real, but he’d always told himself that, while they hurt, they didn’t hurt like he hurt. They hadn’t lost what he’d lost.

And he was right. They hadn’t lost their girlfriend- their soulmate, but they’d lost a friend, a teammate, a voice of truth and a belief in the impossible, in the good of people.

But, they'd soldiered on. For her. For her legacy.

Barry shook his head as if to clear his mind and rubbed the bridge of his nose, turning away from the picture.

When he opened his eyes, he saw Cisco standing at the doorway.

He was holding his duffel bag and appraised Barry with a wary, but knowing look.

A beat passed.

"Maybe next week," Barry offered slowly. "If Iris is alright, you and me could maybe run a few drills?"

A slow smile broke out and Cisco nodded before turning and walking away to his workshop.

By the time Iris was done with Caitlin, Joe had returned with Big Belly Burgers for lunch and she took the opportunity to tell him that she was going home with Barry the next day.

Joe had tried to explain to her that maybe she should consider alternatives, but Iris was steadfast and told her dad that was her home. He dropped the topic after that, not wanting to upset her.

Iris knew she had a lot to talk about with Joe and Barry and Wally about their relationships with each other and where they all stood; they just hadn’t broached the subject yet.

They talked about all she'd missed and they talked about how much they'd missed each other, how much they all loved her, but they never explicitly brought up all that Barry had done. And she never brought up all that she'd seen.

She didn’t accept what he’d done or condone what he’d done, but she understood why he’d done it. Hell, anyone who knew Barry or listened to all he’d had to face in his life could understand why he’d done it, but that didn’t make it okay. Her dad loved Barry and Wally and Caitlin still cared about him, but they were hurt by him and apprehensive.

“I...understand why they are,” Barry said honestly later that night after she’d asked him about the strained relationships. “I just can't look at the world the way they do anymore."

“Why not?” Iris asked him.

"We’ve lost so much, all of us. You lost Eddie and Mason and Linda left town for a long time. I lost my parents, Caitlin lost her husband and was manipulated by a sociopath. So many other people have lost so much. Because we always chose the high road. But, there were always two more bad guys ready to pick up the mantle every time we stopped one,” He told her.

“We're always on the defensive and never the offensive and look at all we've lost."

“There’s good in between all of the heartache, Barry,” She promised him. _”So_ much good."

“You’re good. You were a good thing in miles and miles of darkness. And you were taken away.”

“I’m still here, Barry. They didn’t win," Iris said emphatically.

“And how are we supposed to keep you safe if we’re too scared to do what needs to be done? He’s not gone. He’ll come for Wally next or your dad. Cisco and Caitlin too, anything and anyone until he gets what he wants,” Barry said.

"So, you wouldn't take any of it back?" Iris questioned.

"He killed you. He made all of us think he'd killed you. And those metas had all helped him. They've terrorized this city and the people. I can't take it back, Iris," Barry said sadly.

Iris let out a breath, but nodded. “And now?”

“Now?” Barry repeated in confusion.

“Who are you going to be now? The darkness, the loneliness and anger- it has no place here anymore. We got a happy ending. Now it’ll only have whatever power you give it. So what are you going to do now?” Iris asked him plainly.

He opened his mouth, ready to counter her, but he stopped and stared at her for a long while.

“I don’t know,” he finally said quietly. “But, I’ll try for you.”

*****************

Iris didn't know what she was expecting when she got home.

Maybe she thought she could ease back into her life and the way she used to do things. Linda had talked to Scott and the entire CCPN team about Iris's resurface. She had a meeting later on in the month about getting her job back and starting work again, but until then Iris had anticipated getting acclimated with her surroundings and her relationships.

She _didn't_ think she'd spend every night she'd been home trying to fight off a creeping anxiety and a dark weight in her chest.

Relatively speaking, she'd been okay when she'd returned. Aside from inevitable anger at her abduction and lost time, she'd been receptive to her friends and family and had felt comfortable and was sleeping through the night, but once she was back at the apartment, that peace had left almost immediately.

It had taken her hours to fall asleep her first night in their apartment. Barry had stayed awake with her until she'd pretended to fall asleep for his own sake.

When she woke up a few hours later with the sunrise, she'd practically jumped out of bed with the desire, for the first time be in her life, for Barry not to be anywhere near her.

She felt inexplicably raw and prickly when she’d felt his arm around her and she spent over an hour in the shower so that she could avoid seeing him right away when he woke up.

The feeling eventually passed sometime in the afternoon, and Iris had been contrite with guilt.

But, then the exact thing happened the next night and the next night.

She didn't know why she felt like that, but she knew it had to do with her and not anything Barry had done, so she kept it to herself. And the times when she couldn't get out of him touching her arm or her waist or her face while she was feeling raw, she swallowed down her discomfort and soldiered through it.

She'd ignored it at first, choosing to focus on her family and friends and working on getting back into the routine of her relationship with Barry. But, as the weeks went on it only got worse.

The one new thing she was grateful for in a twisted way was Barry's own sleeping pattern.

His nightmares would wake her up long before her own did, giving her a distraction from confronting them.

Barry's nightmares were new. She didn't remember him tossing and turning all night when she was in the mirror.

Then again, he hadn't really been sleeping too much in her absence.

Barry would wake up in a panic, fumbling for her in the dark and holding her tightly as he whispered her name, begging her to be real, pleading for this not to be a dream.

And when he finally calmed down, he would apologize profusely for waking her up and upsetting her.

And she didn't tell him that she was grateful his outbursts woke her from her own hellish dreams or that the tears falling from her eyes weren't because he upset her. They’d already been there.

And she knew it was wrong, to let him believe his nightmares were upsetting her, but she justified that telling him would add a whole other mountain of worry when he already worried so much about her.

So she held it all in. Because, really, what could be done?

Recovering from trauma took time and her putting all of it out in the open when her family couldn't really do anything to help, it would just hurt them for no reason.

Iris did well to hide the weight she was feeling. She was good at playing the part of being happy and okay.

She always had been.

Barry was happy to help her with what she asked for every day. A walk in the park, a trip to Jitters to drink coffee on the rooftop. Though she mostly only suggested those things because she knew it’d make him happy and get him to stop asking her questions for a while..

Her days were filled with her loved ones and working to get her job back.

Nights, on the other hand, were filled with scary dreams and silent tears.

When Scott nicely, but bluntly asked her if she'd be interested in writing about her "experience in captivity," Iris had refused immediately. She saw no need to pry open the dark closet she was trying to keep closed.

But, he pressed a few more times, saying it would be important for people to see the destruction Mirror Master caused behind his charisma. He told her she could have free reign and final say in everything and suggested that writing about her experience might be cathartic.

So Iris agreed.

She brought herself back to that room in an attempt to put her thoughts and feelings in order enough to write about them. She forced herself to remember the mirror and, for the first time, brought forward all those feelings of helplessness and fear and sadness that were always just out of reach while she was in there.

Looking back, she knew that it was the speed force that had held her for so long.

Iris had felt more numb than anything else while she was locked away. She'd recognized every emotion she should've felt as she watched her family or as Mirror Master taunted her, but they'd never really sunk in. She'd never actually experienced them and she knew it was because she was shrouded in that blue electricity. It'd protected her physically and surely it protected her psychologically, too.

That's why Mirror Master was so weak.

Iris was sure of it because, now that she was out and the blue lightening was nowhere to be found, Iris felt every wave after wave of despair and confusion.

The speed force had only been an umbrella protecting her from the downpour. It had been a glass shelter. But, she still saw all of terrors inside and outside the mirror. She still lived through the dark abyss of life inside a seemingly endless hall of reflections for over 500 days.

And it wasn’t long before the feeling of disorientation and helplessness encompassed her completely.

She stopped trying to write her article. She stopped trying to make sense of any of it. She just let the feelings surround her.

After a while she became too tired to even try otherwise.

She’d been awake for a year and a half. She hadn’t slept once there, she couldn’t.

Now her body appeared to want to make up for that. She was tired all of the time.

And she knew she should say something. Should tell someone that she wasn't doing too great on the inside, but she couldn't. It was as if she were screaming at the top of her lungs on her head, even when she was surrounded by people who could help, but her mouth wouldn't make a sound.

After she hotly dropped the article, Barry had been asking her more and more about what the mirror had been like. What she’d felt and how she felt now trying to make sense of all of it.

She guessed the rule of not asking her about her abduction was now tossed aside.

Everyone else at least respected her enough to do as she asked, even Scott after she told him in no uncertain terms to never ask her again, but Barry apparently didn’t.

He kept pushing and pushing, needling her to talk to him. To talk to anyone, but Iris brushed him off. She didn’t get why he couldn’t understand there were things she couldn’t put into words. Didn’t want to put into words.

Finally after a dinner filled with a mostly one-sided conversation on his part, Iris blew up and told him to leave her the hell alone for even just five minutes.

And Barry had been completely taken aback. Because she never talked to him like that. _They_ never talked to each other like that.

But, he shuffled his feet and looked at the ground and muttered that he’d be back in a couple of hours.

Iris felt a little badly at that, but she couldn’t lie and say she was happy that the house was filled with a peaceful quiet once he was gone.

She wandered from the living room into the bedroom wondering what she should do with her few hours of freedom before finding herself in front of their bathroom mirror.

She examined her reflection.

She realized the lighting in the bathroom must’ve been off. Maybe Barry put in a faulty lightbulb.

The shadows of the poorly-lit bulb were giving her dark circles under her eyes and ashen-looking skin.

Her skin didn’t look like that.

And neither did her hair. Her hair was lively and curly.

Here it was thick, but limp and lifeless on her head.

And she was skinny, but her face wasn’t _this_ narrow. Her collarbone didn’t peek out this much.

She turned this way and that, trying to catch any good lighting to correct this, but no matter the angle, the features stayed the same. Until she finally gave up.

Where was old Iris and who was this sad-looking stranger who’d snuck into her place?

When was the last time she’d even looked at herself in a mirror?

She couldn’t remember.

Was this what she actually looked like now?

Iris couldn’t look away. She tried to remember what Old Iris would feel looking at her reflection right now.

Sadness? Fear? Alarm?

All this New Iris felt was nothing.

She didn't feel anything.

Not when she pinched her palm tightly.

Not when she pressed her fingers tightly against her eyes.

She didn't feel anything when her closed fist shattered the glass.

She'd only felt a little cold as air hit the blood dripping down her arm.

She didn't feel better, but surveying the endless rings in the damaged mirror felt like a job well done.

So she went around the house, shattering every mirror she could find with her fists, stepping over the glass on her way to the next target. Over and over until there was nothing left. Until she couldn't see her reflection anywhere.

She let out a tired heave and sat on the couch to catch her breath. She'd only rested her eyes for a minute before shouting jolted her awake.

Barry was shouting, asking her what had happened before hoisting her to her feet and ushering her to the shower when she didn't answer.

Iris wondered why he put them both in the shower fully-clothed and why he sounded so terrified, repeatedly asking her what she'd done, but she looked down and saw the surprisingly big, red puddle that was pooling at their feet and remembered that she'd cut her hand earlier.

_Oh yeah._

She wanted to tell him she was alright she'd just been trying to-well she didn't know what, but she was all of the sudden too tired again to explain.

Barry kept talking and talking, but the sound was muffled in her ears and she couldn't understand him.

Finally, he grabbed her by the shoulders and shook her.

Once.

Twice.

Iris closed her eyes, "I'm tired," Iris croaked. Her throat was raw.

Barry started talking even more rapidly now, cupping her face. Iris's ears still felt like they were filled with cotton, but she was able to make out -"hospital".

"No," Iris shook her head and stepped back. "I'm going to bed. I'm tired."

Barry wouldn’t let her go and after brief resistance, Iris let him pull her back to him.

The water was cold, but his chest was as warm as their bed anyway, so she rested against him and closed her eyes.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading!
> 
> The final chapter will be up soon (I swear!)
> 
> Also, if you guys believe in that sort of thing, Please PLEASE say a prayer for my family if you find the chance.  
> It's very badly needed. ♥


	3. Chapter III

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope everyone had a wonderful New Year! Thanks _SO_ much for all of the kind words! It really meant so much to me especially all of the words of encouragement..  
>  Also, I just had to accept that me and the concept of word count just don't blend well. I'm Very sorry about that
> 
> But, here's the last chapter. I hpoe you all enjoy it. <3

Iris woke up to the sound of kids laughing outside their bedroom window. Her joints felt stiff and she was a little confused about how she’d wound up in bed.

She carefully stretched out her limbs and turned to her side before a sharp pain in her arms reminded her about last night.

"You shouldn't move too much. You might start bleeding again."

Barry sat in the armchair in their bedroom. He was half-leaning forward, watching her.

His hair was completely disheveled and his fingers were drumming against the armrest and Iris vaguely noticed he was still in his clothes from last night. His eyes red-rimmed and bloodshot.

Iris felt badly.

She looked down at her bandaged arms.

"I was able to clean them up and wrap them while you slept, but I had to call Caitlin cause you needed stitches," Barry explained.

“Oh,” Iris said. She tried to look at Barry, but his gaze was too piercing. Too knowing. So she chose to stare at the rug by his feet.

"Why did y- what were-" he shook his head. "What happened, Iris?" Barry asked desperately. "Were you trying to hurt yourself?"

"No," Iris shook her head. "I don't think so."

"You don't _think_ so?"

"No. I wasn't trying to hurt myself,” she said decisively.

Barry looked unconvinced and tears pooled his eyes.

"I wasn't, Barry, I swear. I was...just trying... to feel something, I guess. I don’t know.”

"You've been pulling away. You tried to hide it, but I know you too well, Iris. You get out of bed every day at 5 a.m. you don't say anything for hours and then suddenly you're back to normal as if nothing happened.

I've tried and tried and tried to get you to talk to me about what you're feeling, but you always change the subject to worrying about Wally or your dad or me. I push you to open up and I feel like I’m imposing, I give you space and I come home to broken glass all over the apartment and blood stains everywhere and you on the couch looking-" Barry pressed his fists against his eyes.

Iris didn't know what to say. So she didn't say anything.

Barry looked at her, trying to find something in her face to tell him that he was wrong. That last night was a freak accident. A fluke. That even though she seemed standoffish and depressed, Iris wasn't _this_ hurt inside. But, he knew there wasn't.

He opened and closed his mouth a few times before he finally said "Maybe it'd be a good idea for you to stay with your dad for a while."

"No," Iris said immediately. "I ju-last night I was just upset and took it out on some glass. I don't need my dad. It didn't mean anything."

"You weren't saying anything," Barry said roughly. "I was talking to you for over 10 minutes, your entire arms were sliced open and you were bleeding and you weren't saying _anything_. The way your eyes were glazed over, I- that wasn't nothing, Iris."

He got up from the chair and came to sit by her on the bed. “I don't know how to help you. I think I've made things worse for you. I think you should go stay with your dad and have the space to get better without worrying about me," Barry said ardently.

Iris could tell he’d practiced this beforehand. Probably why his voice was steady and his eyes were resolute while he tried to send her away.

"I'm not going," Iris said emphatically.

“Iris,” Barry started sadly.

“No, Barry. You don’t get to make all the decisions about everything all the time. You don’t listen to me,” she said heatedly. “You never do.”

“That’s not true,” Barry said. "We all love you, Iris. You don't have to carry the weight of the world on your shoulders. You need to let all of us help carry it too."

“Yes, it is true,” Iris argued, ignoring his last sentiment. “Everyone else can leave well enough alone. But, not you. Never you. You always have to push and push. My dad already has enough to do. So does Wally. They don’t need even more just because you think you know best about everything. I just need some time to figure all this out on my own. _Don’t_ tell my dad about this, Barry,” Iris pleaded.

“Iris, I already called him,” Barry told her. “He should be here within the hour.”

And that was it. She finally felt something- pure rage.

Barry sighed and got up. He walked to their closet and pulled out a duffel bag. “I’m going to help you get some stuff together since,” he gestured to her wrapped up hands. “Can you tell me what you want to take, please?” Barry asked softly.

But Iris only stared at him, infuriated.

She felt it bubbling in her chest as he gave up on getting her to help him and he started tentatively gathering clothes and products he was sure she'd want.

And all of a sudden she was about to say something she knew even then she’d regret.

She was about to angrily spit out something she knew she could never take back, but his phone rang.

“Joe will be here soon," Barry told her after reading the text.

He fit the last of her clothes in the duffel bag and stood at the foot of the bed.

Iris hadn't made any attempt to move. She just stared at him until she couldn't anymore and she looked down at her bandages again.

Barry walked around and sat down on the bed.

It was a long while before Barry spoke again.

"What he did to you- I don't know how to let that all go. I've been trying. _Really_ hard. But, sometimes I feel like I can never move on. Not until I destroy him. And then I feel ridiculously selfish. Because you lost the most and I made it all about me," Barry confessed to her.

“You've saved me so many times, Iris. Before all of this- before the lightening and the particle accelerator and all these new people and places we found ourselves in, you’ve always been there. And I-I don’t think I’ve always shown you how grateful I am for that. I think that I've been selfish with you. Who you are and how big your heart is.” Iris started to shake her head, but Barry gently cut her off. “It’s true. You don’t have to deny it. I’ve taken advantage of your strength and your selflessness... And I think that I've-“ his voice cracked and his eyes flooded with tears. “I think that I've broken you somehow. I don’t know how to put it all back together.”

Iris started crying. She didn't say anything. Just continued to stare at her hands.

But, she didn't pull away when Barry gently covered her hand with his.

Their doorbell rang shortly after that and Barry got up to answer it.

When she heard her father's worried voice talking to Barry, Iris realized this was happening whether she wanted it to or not.

And she suddenly wanted to be out of that apartment as quickly as possible.

She threw off the covers and didn't bother changing out of the pajamas Barry had put her in. Just put on her boots and a jacket and carefully picked up the packed duffel bag.

When she went outside, Joe and Barry halted their hushed conversation by the front door.

"I'm ready," she announced evenly.

Barry stepped towards her, most likely to help with her bag, but when Iris took a step back in response, he stopped.

Her dad hurriedly walked over and took the bag off her shoulder before enveloping Iris in a tight hug. "I'm so glad you're okay." Joe said gruffly.

Iris's arms felt heavy and tired, but she used what strength she could find to wrap them around her father in comfort.

When they pulled apart Joe looked at her and then Barry. "I'll go put this in the car and give you two a minute."

Iris was about to tell her father that there was no need. She was ready to go.

But, that face Barry unconsciously makes where he resembled a wounded puppy still penetrated her wall of anger.

So she let Joe leave and it was her and Barry standing across from each other in silence.

“So… Joe has the number to a really great therapist,” Barry broached after a minute. “I talked to her a couple of times last year and she helped a lot in the beginning with everything.”

Iris didn’t say anything.

“I’ll stop by the house in a few days if you want?” Barry tried again.

Iris shrugged and drew her jacket close. “I should go. I don’t want my dad to be waiting.”

Iris caught the wave of total sadness that washed over Barry’s face before he nodded and schooled his features. 

“Okay,” he agreed. He stepped towards her again, thought better of it, and stepped out of the way of the door to play it off.

Iris walked past him and right before she left he called out her name. He couldn’t help himself.

She looked back at him and he struggled to find words.

“I love you,” he finally settled on.

Iris’s bottom lip quivered. “I know,” she said shakily before she walked out the door, closing it behind her.

 

Iris decided right away that she liked Dr. Temple.

When she first met her, she’d had to tweak some things around about her backstory in order to protect the Flash’s identity, but the basis of it- journalist kidnapped for a year by an evil metahuman- had stuck.

Dr. Temple was nice enough; kind and open, but she didn’t mince words which is something Iris didn’t realize she needed so much.

Their first two sessions had been mostly one-sided.

It wasn’t that Iris didn’t want to open up to the therapist; it was just that she didn’t know where to start.

But, Dr. Temple had no problem taking the lead to help her along.

She explained to Iris that she’d read up on rare cases of coma patients who woke up after years in the hospital only to reveal that they'd experienced every day of their coma in real-time. They hadn’t been unconscious at all; only incapacitated. They heard the doctors around them. They heard their loved ones crying over their bodies, debating between pulling the plug and praying for a miracle.

They felt and heard it all, but their bodies were their prisons. They lived with the daily fear that one day their family would decide it was too much and pull the plug. They were unable to move, unable to speak out, to tell someone _anyone_ that they were alive. That they were still there.

After years and years of living like that, insurmountable rage would inevitably build up in the patients. There was no way to release it and when they woke up they were, understandably, angry and frustrated that no one could hear them. Many of the patients required life-long therapy to cope and wade through the years of pent-up emotions.

That's what had happened to Iris.

Or at least, the closest thing to it, anyway.

She'd been powerless for almost two years with no one to hear her. No way for her to speak out even if they could. She'd been in a prison with nothing to hear and see except the rantings of a mad man and the pain of her loved ones.

Iris was vulnerable and confused and scared, but she was also angry and she had every right to be.

“What you crave, maybe what you've always desired in your life, is a sense of control,” Dr. Temple observed one session.

“I guess so,” Iris agreed. “But, couldn’t you say that for most people?”

“Yes, I could. But, most people didn’t have to use that sense of control at age four to save themselves and their mother from a burning house due to her negligence and then repress that experience for over twenty-two years. They didn’t have to make sure their father wasn’t too sad or too lonely or too overwhelmed.  
They didn’t have to add another person to their worry list at age ten, making sure their best friend felt loved and not alone in the world. Most children don’t have worries like that day and night for 15 or so years until they’re suddenly thrown into a world where the impossible exists and dangers increase ten-fold and they and everyone they love and worry about are in the epicenter,” Dr. Temple countered.

“I’m sure there are literally millions of kids around the world who had things worse off than me,” Iris said wryly.

“What about as an adult? Would you say your life these days is no less stressful that your peers’?”

“A job like mine is pretty stressful, but so is being a police detective or a doctor. The metahumans do add another layer to it, though,” Iris allowed.

“Your father is a police detective, your boyfriend, who was in a coma for 10 months, is the lead metahuman CSI specialist at the Central City Police Department and your brother is the lead engineer for CCPD’s metahuman task force. You were targeted and kidnapped by a metahuman. That’s quite the laundry list. It would be worrisome if you _weren’t_ stressed from your day-to-day alone.”

“I agree,” Iris said. “But, it’s what I signed up for and everyone is working for the greater good.”

“You’re quite well-known yourself, Iris,” Dr. Temple complimented. “Your writings have shaped public perception in a way I haven’t seen, probably outside of history in the height of printed press. It seemed like you were on the fast-track to become an editor in your own right before you were abducted.”

Iris’s eyes flew down to her hands at their own accord.

“The loss of your articles was definitely felt throughout the community while you were gone,” Dr. Temple added.

Iris nodded along keeping her head down, not really knowing how to respond to that.

Did Dr. Temple want a “sorry?”

“You were gone for a long while. A year and a half, correct?”

“Yes.” Iris murmured. She tried to meet the doctor’s eyes again, but found she couldn’t.

“Is that something you would like to discuss?” Dr. Temple probed.

“Not today,” Iris confessed. “I don’t think I would.”

 

They talked about other things instead. Basic things like her family, her friends, and Barry. Dr. Temple offered every session to talk about Iris’s kidnapping, but Iris couldn’t. But, she was extremely grateful Dr. Temple didn’t seem to mind exercising patience with that.

The conversations they had where Iris told Dr. Temple about her life actually helped Iris become reacquainted with memories of her life before she was taken, but she didn’t feel the pressure she felt around her friends and family to automatically reconcile who she'd been with all she’d lost being away.

Dr. Temple let her laugh as she retold funny stories and rage and weep with anger over things like missing her brother’s graduation and not knowing her father’s new fiancée.

Dr. Temple’s kind eyes and blunt commentary against Iris’s loss and confusion was cathartic.

After two weeks of working with her, Iris was able to look at herself in the mirror. After four weeks, she was able to almost recognize the person she saw looking back.

Joe and Wally were eager to help how they could and Iris resolved to get better for herself. Being back in the West house gave her a sense of comfort and strength to take care of herself.

 

“You say that a lot,” Dr. Temple noted.

“What?” Iris queried.

“That you’re a cop’s daughter. That you can take care of yourself,” Dr. Temple responded.

Iris was confused. “Because both of those are true.”

“Yes, but you never say one without the other. Like for you, they go hand in hand.”

“Do you feel like, as a cop’s daughter you were expected to be tough and independent? Even as a kid?”

“I don’t know,” Iris shrugged. “I think it just comes with the territory. Like you can’t have a bad-ass cop for a dad who put you in boxing lessons at age six and _not_ know how to save yourself,” she laughed.

“Yes, I suppose,” Dr. Temple agreed with a warm smile.

“But, that couldn’t have just meant physically, right?” she inquired.

“What do you mean?” Iris asked

“You ‘saving yourself.’ It wasn’t just a tough physical independence you had. I’d imagine in some aspects it was mentally, too. Emotionally as well. You learned early that you had to be your own hero, your own confidant in your head as well. Because your father _was_ a bad-ass cop who saw horrors on a daily basis and your best friend had been dealt a horrible hand in life. And it was up to you to help them without burdening them with your own baggage. So you took care of yourself. Would you say any of that is true?” Dr. Temple questioned.

Iris didn’t like what Dr. Temple was suggesting. “My dad and Barry weren’t some self-absorbed people who never cared or asked about what was going on in my life,” she said firmly. “I’ve always had an open and loving relationship with the both of them. Barry was my best friend, but I was also his. The relationship went both ways and he took care of me, too.”

“Of course,” Dr. Temple conceded. “From how highly you speak of him, I have no doubt about that.”

Dr. Temple sat back and Iris was glad that topic of discussion seemed to be over.

“Tell me about your decision to become a journalist,” Dr. Temple probed. “You mentioned before it wasn’t your first career choice.”

“No. I went to school for criminal justice. I actually have PhD in criminal psychology.”

“That’s very interesting,” Dr. Temple said. “And quite the career change. Were you nervous about taking a job at the paper?”

“No, not at all,” Iris said. “I was actually really excited. And I felt like it was vindication almost? Like it legitimized my blog and validated all the frustration I was feeling at the time that no one else close to me thought that what I was doing was important.”

“That’s a confidence not everyone has when starting a new career. Especially one that seemed to pop up out of the blue,” Dr. Temple said.

“Well, I thought long and hard about it before I accepted the offer,” Iris told her. “But I knew right away it was the right choice for me. And it wasn’t something I took lightly. Even when I thought I would be a criminal psychologist. My career is something I’ve always weighed and taken very seriously.”

Dr. Temple’s eyes were kind. “You certainly have a good head on your shoulders.”

“Thank you,” Iris smiled.

“Since you’re still at the paper, I imagine this career announcement went more smoothly than the police academy? Barry didn’t have too loose a tongue this time around?”

Iris laughed. Dr. Temple remembered Iris mentioning that her dream of being a police officer was squashed after Barry ratted her out to her father.

“No,” Iris assured. “They were actually both there when I got the call.”

“Ah,” Dr. Temple nodded. “A happy moment then?”

“Yes. Definitely. And the whole police academy thing- it wasn’t his fault really,” Iris explained. “Barry had found some forms from the academy and he’d casually mentioned it to my dad a few days later. He had assumed my dad knew what he was talking about because he’d seen my dad’s signature on the paper. Barry didn’t know I had forged it.”

“That was bad enough. It also didn’t help that I’d been hiding the fact I’d already been attending for three months. He shut that down as fast as he could,” Iris shrugged.

She was no longer angry at her father for not allowing her to become a cop. Everything had worked out in the end and she found her calling. But, she supposed she’d always feel that sliver of resentment for how everything went down at the time.

“You mentioned a few weeks ago that you’d just recently come into contact with your little brother, Wally?” Dr. Temple asked, bringing Iris attention back.

“Yeah,” Iris nodded.

“Would you say the two of you are close, too? As open and loving as you describe your relationships with Barry and your dad?”

“Yeah I think so. It’s only been a few years and not a lifetime, but I couldn’t imagine my life without him,” Iris said sincerely.

“How do you feel about the fact your father allowed Barry and even Wally to work alongside the police, but not you?”

Iris hadn’t thought about Wally and Barry’s jobs in that light. “Umm I don’t- that doesn’t bother me,” Iris said shaking her head. “I get why it was different for me versus Barry back then. He hides behind the science of the job. I wanted to be in the action.

“So you’ve never felt resentment or anger towards Barry over the years? Suddenly having to share your home and your father with your best friend who you’ve mentioned your father has a special bond with could understandably lead to aloofness, even if the friendship remains intact,” Dr. Temple said.

“Of course not,” Iris protested emphatically.

“So why do you think you keep important things from Barry?” Dr. Temple asked.

“I don’t,” Iris said.

“You said you are very open with your father and Barry, but your career choice, which you said yourself is very important to you, and the discovery of your father having another child were kept a secret for a long time,” Dr. Temple replied.

“I already told you that my dad was overprotective about me being in danger as a profession and blurting out that he never got the chance to raise his son wasn’t something I was jumping at the chance to do,” Iris snapped irritably. She didn’t understand what the therapist was so keen on proving about her relationships.

“Yes, I completely understand both of those reasons,” Dr. Temple promised. “Your father is your father and it’s always complicated trying to do what you want without alienating or hurting him,” she supplied. “So what about Barry?”

“What _about_ Barry?” Iris questioned, crossing her arms over her chest.

“He unwittingly blabbed your secret because he hadn’t known any better. He didn’t know there _was_ a secret” Dr. Temple recounted. “Why didn’t you tell Barry about joining the police academy before Joe found out? He’s your best friend. He had been since you were 10 years old. You both were finished with school at the time. No longer in the environment where you needed to protect him from outside harm.

I assume you were both responsible, well-functioning young adults at the time. So why did you hide a secret from your best friend for 3 months about something so incredibly important to you?”

“I don’t know,” Iris frowned. “It just didn’t seem necessary. I was going to tell him, but I wanted to get my bearings at training first, I guess.”

“And with Wally?”

Iris puzzled.

“You couldn’t tell your dad,” Dr. Temple recapped. “Couldn’t be the bearer of the crushing news that he had a son he never got to raise which is more than understandable. But, what about telling Barry?” she asked again.

Iris huffed, but Dr. Temple persisted.

“You said you found out about your brother around Thanksgiving. But, it wasn’t until you confessed to Barry on Christmas Eve that you were able to find the courage to tell your dad.”

“In those 4 weeks of knowing, of carrying such a monumental, most-likely crushing, and tiring secret, why didn’t you confide in your best friend to share some of the weight? To help take care of you like you take care of him?” Dr. Temple asked.

Iris shook her head and tried to rebuff, but she couldn’t find a good enough reason. She had a reason at the time that seemed sound enough; it had felt like her burden to bear. 

But, now, saying that would just confirm everything Dr. Temple was trying to prove about her.

Why _hadn’t_ she told Barry about Wally earlier? Why had she waited until her emotions had literally forced it out of her in the middle of his lab?

He had been standoffish in the months after the singularity and Eddie, but he was still her best friend. And she knew he’d be there to help her through the big things if she needed him.

And even in a world full of metas and superpowers, finding out about a full-grown, long-lost brother was a big thing. So why did she keep yet another thing to herself?

Because he’d had enough to worry about.

That’s was it, wasn’t it?

The line she fed herself frequently in regards to her family and friends.

They had enough to worry about and she could handle her own problems.

Exactly what Dr. Temple had said earlier.

“I tell them things. I do. Important things, big things, little things I tell them. I mean, we _talk,_ ” Iris said. Though she hated that she sounded like she was trying to convince herself.

“Yes, Iris but the _biggest_ things. The things that are more about _your_ life and your fears and worries and success and sadness, you keep those things to yourself. And they keep getting piled on and on until you finally shatter under the weight of it,” Dr. Temple illuminated.

“Starting the police academy to become an officer, dating your dad’s partner for 10 months before you told another soul, finding your long lost brother- those are huge milestones in your life. Ones that demand complex, attentive decision-making and emotional strength to get through. And, in relation to the two people who were most important in your life, you went through them all alone and in secret.”

“And you’ve said that over the years, your father and Barry have kept big secrets from you, too. But, they told each other. They kept them from you, yes, but they didn’t keep them in. They had someone to lean on. You don’t seem to have had that in the deepest sense for a lot of issues,” Dr. Temple observed softly.

And Iris couldn’t deny it. Because, she knew it was true. She hated to admit it and hated that this shined a light on a part of herself she didn’t like to examine much, but it was true.

She kept her eyes on the therapist throughout her assessment and didn’t know what to say afterwards for a while.

“So now what?” Iris finally asked her.

Dr. Temple smiled. “Now we get to work. Now we figure out how to get you to open up, Iris. Truly and when it matters the most.”

 

And Dr. Temple was once again ready to do just that with an abundance of patience and guidance.

Iris worked on expressing herself out loud and on allowing herself to examine and tap into her own emotions. She started keeping two journals. One with her present day-to-day thoughts and another with the memories and feelings of her abduction as they came to her.

Some days were a lot better than others, but she didn’t let herself get discouraged or give up on the days she couldn’t get out of bed at all or the nights she cried in the shower alone.

Wally chose to spend time he wasn’t at work close to home. He was always checking in on her. He put Iris at ease with his company.

They bonded over movies he made her watch on the nights the cold kept them indoors. She learned Wally could throw down (almost) as well as she could in the kitchen. He’d taken over her role as the cook in the house and was eager to have Iris test out recipes with him. When it was the two of them, they laughed and laughed for hours and they danced around the house to Wally’s weird choice of music or played video games until Joe shooed them off to bed for being too loud and Iris held on to the silver lining of being back at home; the fact that she had the chance to live with Wally and do all the things she always dreamed of doing with a baby brother.

And when Iris couldn’t find the strength to be the strong, older sister, when she curled up in bed and couldn’t fight off the temptation of laying in the darkness and crying, Wally was there.

He didn’t say anything, just asked her if he could do anything to help. When he didn’t get an answer back, he would pull up a chair in her room, planting himself in the corner and working quietly on whatever paperwork or blueprints he had at the time.

He would sit with her for hours on end, never pushing her to spill her heart out or snap out of it. Wally was just a silent strength that Iris was most grateful for.

She was working on her journal one evening, waiting for Wally to call down for dinner when she heard him enthusiastically greet someone at the door.

At first she thought it was Jesse or her father forgot his keys, but when they didn’t move further into the house, her curiosity peaked.

“-been six weeks,” she heard Wally say.

She leaned forward and strained her ears.

Was he talking about her? And to who?

“-don’t really think she’ll want to see me,” a second voice said.

Barry.

What was he doing here?

“Stay for dinner,” _Wally_ was suggesting??

Since when did Wally and Barry talk, not even just cordially, but amicably?

She made no move to go downstairs and greet him and was apprehensive he would come upstairs.

Would he stay for dinner and would she want him to?

She didn’t know. She hadn’t talked to Barry since her father had picked her up from their apartment a month and a half ago.

He had called the first couple of nights afterwards, but Iris never picked up the phone. She could tell Barry wasn’t expecting her to because he never let it ring for long before hanging up.

She strained to hear his response.

“Another time,” Barry promised.

She let out a breath even as she made out Wally’s grumblings of disappointment. That was for the best, she thought.

But, her hand twitched on her lap when she heard the front door close behind him.

 

Wally didn’t bring up Barry stopping by at all when they were eating dinner and from his pretending it didn’t happen, Iris quickly deduced it wasn’t the first time since she’d been there that Barry had shown up.

She didn’t know how she felt about that.

Though, the second time she heard Barry stop by, over two weeks later, she was able to hear the conversation more clearly.

This time she heard Wally greet him pleasantly and Barry return the greeting in a friendly tone.

“Is she home?” Barry asked.

“I think she’s taking a nap,” Wally responded.

Barry said something in a low voice Iris couldn’t make out, but Wally quickly said “No, that hasn’t happened again since the last time. I think she’s just tired.”

“Okay," Barry said, sounding relieved. "Well, I should get going."

“Stay for dinner,” Wally offered.

“Maybe next time,” Barry responded.

Before she heard their goodbyes, Iris was already standing by her window to catch a glimpse of Barry as he left.

His head was down and his collar was up to ward off the cold. And she couldn’t get a look at his face before he was down the street and out of sight.

 

Joe West never considered himself to be a domineering or imposing man. He knew how to straighten his body or train his eyes to command authority or respect, but that was something he learned on the job, not something he was naturally gifted with.

Which is why he was so proud of the fact he was able to cultivate many personas to get him through the tightrope act of being an efficient detective and an attentive single parent.

Good-cop, Bad-cop, and Dad-cop were just a few that Joe clung to when he needed to lay down the law. Those he had to work on to perfect.

But, the simple act of being a dad in and of itself; of being loving and affectionate and fun, that had all come naturally.

From the instant the doctors placed Iris’s tiny body in his arms and his breath caught, the second Barry clutched Joe’s hand the night he told him he was coming home with him, the moment Wally introduced himself on their front porch on Christmas Eve, the natural impulse to protect and love his children had run through Joe West unimpeded.

But, even though that love was there, Joe would be the first to admit, trying to raise children all alone wasn’t easy.

He made a lot of mistakes along the way and there was a lot of guilt looking back on things he’d handled _so_ badly.

No parent ever wanted to believe that they were the source of pain their child felt especially not pain they then carried into adulthood. But, wracking his brain, Joe couldn’t pretend what Iris was going through was just a result of her recent abduction.

He watched her closely, he always had, but now it was with the perspective of an observant onlooker and not a father who was known to be a little too overprotective.

After he woke up to a message from a clearly upset Barry, tripping over his words, asking him to help Iris, Joe had been watching her every day. 

It took two days before she was ready to talk to him or Wally. They were all in her room when Iris finally broke down. She said she couldn't breathe, that she felt like she was sinking under and flying away all at once. And she didn't know what to do or how to ask for help.

The next day, Joe booked an appointment with the same therapist he'd Barry see almost two years before.

And then he did everything he could to be there for his daughter physically and, though she leaned towards Wally more, emotionally.

They were currently sitting on the bench swing on the front porch.

Iris was alternating between reading a book and closing her eyes and soaking up the sun on the unseasonably warm day.

She was looking better these days. She was very slowly shedding that haunted look Joe found her in when he picked her up a month ago.

And with her hair pulled back from her face like this and the faint smile on her face, Joe was floored once again by just how much Iris looked like her mother.

Iris had always favored Francine’s side of the family, so did Wally, but the older Iris got and the wiser the twinkle in her eyes became- the more whimsical her smile grew, Joe felt like Iris had been almost entirely cloned from Francine. At least the Francine Joe chose to remember.

Thinking about Francine always led to an urge for Joe to protect Iris. To remind her how loved she was. And _those_ thoughts led to other ones these days. Ones that Joe couldn't keep to himself.

“Ever since you were little, I’ve tried to keep you safe,” He said softly. Iris startled a little at the break in silence, but she turned to her father. Joe continued. “I’ve tried to protect you from all the pain and darkness in the world and I’ve done a lot of things I now regret to make sure you were safe. A lot of that was treating you like you were best kept in the dark. Even when I know it’d be better for you to know, it’s always hard for me to look past the hypotheticals in my and see the reality that’s right in front of me.”

Iris put down her book and put a hand over her father’s, which he enclosed in his other hand.

“Banning you from the police academy, not telling you the truth about your mother, or about Barry being the Flash, even all of this now,” he said, gesturing around them. “Barry asked to have some kind of intervention for you weeks ago. He actually asked twice, but I kept shooting him down. He said you’d been acting differently, that you were withdrawn. He said he couldn’t reach you anymore on his own, but I didn’t want to see it. Because you still met me for lunch on Wednesdays with brownies and you came over to help Wally with his write-ups, all the things you used to do before you were gone and deep down I didn’t want to believe you could’ve changed because of that monster,” Joe admitted gruffly.

“Dad this is not your fault,” Iris told him firmly, shaking her head. “What happened to me this last year wasn’t anything you could control.”

“Maybe not,” Joe allowed. “But, this habit you have of feeling like you constantly have to put everyone before yourself. This, this _fear_ that you have of not opening up to us about the hard stuff, none of that popped up yesterday, Iris. It’s been there for most of your life, and I haven’t done all that I could’ve to help you overcome that. Because of my habit to pull down the blinds and pretend it’s not raining when it comes to you,” Joe shook his head and his eyes grew misty. “And I’m so sorry for that, baby girl. I’m sorry.”

Iris dove into her father’s arms. She held him close and tight. “It’s okay, dad. It’s okay.”

“I love you, Iris. And I need you to be okay. All the way through. Not just on the surface because it’s enough to make a blind fool like me happy,” Joe demanded.

“I will be,” she promised him, burrowing her face in his shoulder.

“I know,” Joe agreed. “I know.”

 

The third time Iris heard Barry come by, she just got out the shower when she heard his muffled goodbyes before the front door closed behind him.

Iris didn’t know if Wally told him the best times to come by when he thought she wouldn’t know, or it was just coincidence, but about a week later when she heard the front door and Wally give the same greeting, open just as she was getting dressed after her shower, Iris was ready.

Barry leaned against the front door listening to Wally worry about some tech that had gotten lost at a crime scene that afternoon.

He’d asked for Barry’s advice breaking the news to Captain Singh.

Barry hadn’t noticed earlier due to their icy introductions when Wally first came to town and then with all the chaos of Zoom, Barry creating Flashpoint and then their falling out after Iris was gone, but Wally talked _a lot._ Iris used to be the only person Barry knew who never seemed to run out of things to talk about, but her brother gave her a run for her money.

Barry didn’t mind and it amused him because, while they could talk your ear off if given the chance, Wally and Iris very rarely commandeered conversations. They listened to other people just as much as they spoke and they always gave room for mutual discussion.

But, in moments like this when nerves took hold, it was humorous to listen to their mile-a- minute talking.

“I’m sure he’ll understand,” Barry finally interrupted Wally’s rant.

Wally took a breath and clapped his hands together. “Yeah,” he agreed thoughtfully. “Yeah you’re right. I doubt he’ll rip my head off. And I can make some more in no time.”

“There you go,” Barry said.

“Thanks, man,” Wally said sincerely.

Barry’s eyes reflexively widened in surprise. He was still getting used to Wally not wanting to deck him in the face anymore. Their relationship had definitely thawed and smoothed the last few months.

After Iris had left their apartment, Wally had shown up the following night to pick up a few things their dad had thought she would want once she started talking again.

Barry had been home and had helped Wally gather what he’d asked for.

Wally took in Barry’s sluggish, almost robotic walk and observed that Barry’s eyes kept flickering to the .

When Barry went into the bedroom to get some books Iris enjoyed, Wally had taken the chance to glance around the apartment.

Joe had told Wally that when he showed up to get Iris the day before, the apartment had been in a bit of an upheaval. He’d spotted glass and broken frames on the floor and hadn’t been able to stay in the apartment for long before feeling like he was going to vomit.

And from the numerous stitches on his sister’s hands and arm, Wally could only imagine the damage she done to get them.

The apartment looked clean enough now, Wally observed. It was clean and he only noticed objects missing from the living room table and walls that he recalled being there the last time he visited.

He walked over to the couch and saw that half of it was covered tightly in a white sheet.

He thought that was odd, but was already turning elsewhere when a dark spot peeking out a tiny corner of the sheet caught his eye.

He knew what it was before he even untucked the sheet, full of dread.

Wally’s leg hitting a side table as he staggered backwards must have caught Barry’s attention because he came back into the room to check on him.

When he saw what Wally was looking at in horror, he couldn’t help the hitch in his own breath. He hadn’t looked at the couch since he’d cleaned up all of the broken glass and threw a sheet over it.

Wally looked at him and he was hit with the uncontrollable urge to explain. Explain what, he didn’t know because the entire situation seemed like a dream to him.

“That’s where…I came home and she was just lying there with her eyes closed and I thought… I- I don’t know how long she was- I think she had to have been there for a while for all of that blood to- I tried scrubbing but, it’s too-“ he broke off with his voice and looked away. “I have to get a new one,” he said after a minute. “Cause she really loved this one. So I need to-“

He hadn’t even noticed Wally stride towards him until he was right in front of him. Barry looked at him and noticed the tears pooled in his eyes matched his own.  
Barry tried to explain again. “I just- I don’t-“

That was all he could get through before Wally put a firm hand on Barry’s shoulder and he couldn’t keep the sob ripping through him.

Wally didn’t let go. Not even when his own shocked tears spilled over. Barry kept mumbling, but Wally didn’t understand him. He did make out “I’m sorry” before Barry covered his face with his hand.

Wally had stayed at the apartment for the better part of the night. It was a long, long while before they both could compose themselves enough to talk.

Wally helped Barry carry the ruined sofa out onto the street and helped him straighten up the last few places in the apartment he hadn’t gotten to.

They didn’t say too much as they cleaned up, but both of them felt relief and understanding between them by the time Wally clapped a hand on Barry’s back and said goodbye.

Wally came by a lot after that usually with whatever meal he’d prepared earlier and any news he had about Iris. He and Barry talked a lot on the phone too, always about Iris and how she was doing. Gradually though, the updates about Iris expanded to tentative discussions about Wally’s work at CCPD and Barry’s work with Cisco at S.T.A.R Labs.

The past month, Wally and Joe had lunch at the apartment a few times while Iris was in her sessions and, just like when they’d first started to try and get along, Wally found it easier to mend a bridge with Barry because they had people that they loved so much in common.

And, in the moments they were talking and not yelling, Barry remembered how much Wally was as much his family as Joe and Iris were.

He couldn't put into words how grateful he was that Wally was in Iris's corner. And the frequent dinner drop-offs and constant updates about Iris told Barry that Wally was also in his.

Barry didn’t want to push Iris's recovery or make her feel like she had to focus on him and their relationship, but that didn’t mean he wasn’t missing her every second of the day. The gratitude in knowing she was getting better here, though was enough to sustain him in their empty apartment.

“Iris talked to her boss about getting that extension so she could go with me and Joe to Coast City next week, so that’s good,” Wally’s voice broke him out of his thoughts. 

“That’s really great,” Barry grinned. “Last warm weekend before winter, I think.”

“Yeah, except I don’t-“

A creak drew Barry’s attention to the staircase behind Wally.

“Iris!” Barry exclaimed in surprise.

She stood in the middle of the staircase, watching him with inquisitive eyes.

Wally turned around and said something to her, but Barry didn’t notice.

He hadn’t seen Iris in two months and he was mesmerized by her sudden presence.

She didn’t seem to be paying Wally much mind either.

She looked amazing, Barry noted.

She was in a simple chambray shirt and leggings, but she was a vision.

Her skin was glowing and her hair was in its familiar waves, swept to one side of her neck.

But, it was the small, soft smile on her face that made Barry’s heart speed up and his hands grow clammy.

“Hi,” he breathed.

“Hi,” Iris said.

Wally couldn’t help but immediately feel dismissed, but he still hung back. He didn’t know if Iris would get angry at Barry being there. Though it didn’t look like she was at the moment.

“Are you staying for dinner?” Iris asked slowly. She came down the rest of the steps unhurried and stopped at the landing, only a few feet away from where he stood.

“Um no, I was just on my way back from running errands. I thought I’d just drop by for a minute,” Barry said.

Iris nodded and Barry let out the breath he’d been holding. She at least wasn’t demanding he get out and she even seemed happy to see him.

“You look great, Iris,” Barry said.

“Oh,” she said, her chest suddenly feeling warm “Thank you.”

She pointed past Barry to the front door. “Can I walk out with you?”

“Yeah! Of course,” he told her. He grabbed her coat from the rack by the door and handed it to her.

Barry said goodbye to Wally who had moved off to the side and waited for Iris to zip up before leading the way outside.

She made sure to close the door behind them and they walked slowly off the porch steps, stopping just on the sidewalk.

“How are you?” Barry asked her after standing in a calm silence.

“I’m good,” Iris told him. “I’m meeting with the therapist twice a week. Dr. Temple. She’s really helpful. We talk about a lot of stuff.”  
“I also started work again. Only desk-duty type stories, though,” she said. “Nothing too crazy.”

Iris was sure Wally and her dad already told Barry all of this, but he was listening intently, nodding along with a small smile.

“That’s really great, Iris,” Barry said sincerely.

Iris agreed and smiled.

Another silence fell over them and Barry stuffed his hands in his pockets.

“So, how are you?” Iris asked slowly.

“I’m alright. I’ve been at S.T.A.R Labs a lot. Working with Cisco. And with Caitlin,” he grinned and shrugged. “On the days she’s feeling particularly generous anyway.”

“Oh,” Iris was surprised. Her dad and Wally hadn’t really brought up anything with S.T.A.R Labs. They’d kind of all agreed she should focus only on getting better without added stress. And Caitlin and Cisco came to visit at her house or at Jitters, so that aspect of their lives was kind of lost on her these days.

“What are you guys all working on?” she asked.

“I’m turning Harry’s museum more into a team tribute,” Barry explained. “Kid Flash and Jesse Quick deserve their monuments, too. Probably more so after everything.”

Iris felt a swell of pride and joy at the thought of Wally being honored in front of the entire city. Barry was right, he did deserve it. He and Jesse jumped headfirst into being protectors of the city and everyone would agree they saved the town more than once.

Surprisingly though, most would agree, Barry was still the most prominent in that role.

Getting back into society, Iris had been a little shocked to see that the Flash’s approval rating was at a high during his solo run.

His new, more brutal methods of getting the job done had been polarizing for sure, but aside from the police department, the team and Central City citizens who didn’t believe in “an eye-for-an-eye,” the Flash hadn’t really caught anyone’s disapproval.

Even CCPN had taken to writing about his…excursions with a certain cushioned prose.

Although Linda had implied that was more about honoring Iris’s legacy with the Flash than agreeing with Barry’s methods.

“You _all_ deserve to be honored for what you’ve all done for this city,” Iris told him definitely.

“I d- thank you,” Barry said after she shot him a pointed look.

“It’s just the truth,” Iris shrugged.

She couldn’t tell if it was her statement or the night’s chill that made Barry’s ears turn red in the dim streetlights.

She sensed the conversation had reached a point where he’d say his goodbyes, but Iris didn’t want him to leave right away.

“So, that takes up most of your time? Trying to commission the new museum?” she asked, trying to keep the conversation going.

Barry’s eyes grew a little wide, “Um yeah mostly.” He said.

He was never good at lying to her.

“Are you working on something else?” Iris asked.

“Not- uh yeah just-” He tried.

It was something he wasn’t too comfortable with telling her. She raked her brain about what it might be, stopping herself from even entertaining a fleeting insecurity.

Though he seemed more cautious than uncomfortable or fearful of her knowing.

“Mirror Master?” she guessed.

Barry nodded.

“Any news?” Iris asked after a pause.

“Not anything too concrete, but there have definitely been sightings. Mostly around Keystone,” Barry informed her.

“No one mentioned that to me,” Iris said.

“We all just want to focus on you getting better,” Barry told her.

“I know,” Iris assured him.

Barry nodded and flashed another smile. They stood in silence for another minute before Barry pointed behind him. “Well I should get going. You probably have-

“I’ve missed you,” Iris interrupted fervently. She’d been trying hard not to just blurt that out, but she didn’t want to wait anymore.

“I’ve missed you too,” Barry said so softly and lovingly, Iris felt a shiver run through her.

And it gave her the courage to say what she’d really wanted to say to him since they’d been apart.

“I’ve been thinking a lot these last two months about what you said that day,” Iris confessed. “And you were right. I did need help, obviously, and pretending none of it happened wasn’t helping anything. I’m grateful I’m working through it and that you gave me the space to do this. But, I need you to know something. I’m not broken, Barry. I never have been. And if by some cruel hand I am, it will _never_ be because of loving you," Iris said adamantly. "Right now I just… have a weight and a cloud that wasn’t there before and a lot of that comes from what happened, but a lot of it also comes from me being really good at hiding my pain and putting everyone else’s well-being ahead of my own,” she said.

Barry nodded his head in understanding.

“That’s something I have to work on for myself. But, I also need your help too,” Iris said ardently. “Because you’re the most important person in my life and because no matter what you’ve been through or what you’ve done because you were in pain, you’re not broken either, Barry,” Iris’s voice broke and in a flash Barry had enveloped her tight in his arms.

“I love you, Iris,” Barry whispered into her hair.

Iris closed her eyes and relaxed into his arms “I love you, Barry.”

“That weight that I've been feeling, it's lighter tonight.” Iris told him and Barry held her tighter still.

They stayed like that. Pressed together until the moon was higher in the sky and the cold got too much to ignore and they reluctantly separated with the promise to talk the next day.

And they started up again slowly after that. They talked on the phone every night before bed and Barry started coming back around for Tuesday dinner. Wally and Barry were getting back to a good place also. Wally let Barry come to his workshop a few times to work on their blueprints and Barry took to giving Wally and Jesse advice whenever they were in a bind.

Barry started driving Iris to work and meeting up for coffee at Jitters during her lunch break and they spent nights inside braced against the cold, finally opening up to each other. 

Barry opened up to Iris about how he’d felt after he thought she’d died. He explained the black rage he felt day in and day out. He told her how he was afraid to sleep in their bed for over seven months. How he swore sometimes he heard her giggling at the t.v. only to race out of the bedroom and be greeted by silence. He confessed that he waited every day for the grief to consume him. To destroy him, until one day he decided to translate that fear into anger. But, a different fear came over him the night she returned.

He was terrified she’d view him as a monster and walk away from him by choice and he told her that he was working every single day to become the man who she deserved again.

Iris told Barry about the blue lightening in the mirror and about the confusion she felt once her feelings caught up to her when she got out. She confessed the anxiety she started to experience at the thought of their love being so intense it quite literally defied science and could physically encompass her if she needed it. She explained how she wrestled with the idea of autonomy when the idea of lightning rods and destiny and doppelgangers saturated their daily lives.

And Iris told Barry about the sadness she felt watching him hurt people, even people who weren’t innocent. She hated to admit it, but she did confess she'd felt some fear at the fury she saw in him. Like when he’d been infected by Rainbow Raider, except it seemed he would never snap out of it.

Barry and Iris were finally able to communicate in the open and honest way they used to, but their new dynamic was fortified by Iris being as vulnerable as she needed to be and Barry being as honest as he could be about everything around him.

Barry even sat in on one of Iris’s sessions with Dr. Temple and Iris started spending more time at the apartment after a few weeks.

She moved back in fully after four months at her father’s house.

There was no big fanfare this time when she returned. No big welcome back dinner or friends around. It was just the two of them together.

They ate in their dimly lit kitchen and then slowly swayed together to the soft music coming from their record player.

They redid their kitchen after both of them decided they wanted darker cabinets and a new sink and she and Barry picked out a lovely new couch for their living room.

Iris no longer hurried past the mirrors in the house. She took her time getting ready in the mornings before work and listened to Barry when he let her know she was skipping meals too often or pushing herself too hard at work.

Even though there was a lot more work to be done with her feeling completely like her old self she at least no longer felt like stranger in their house.

The first time they came together after she'd returned was slow, filled with tender caresses and soft whispers of love.

Hours later, Iris woke up even though the sky was still dark. She reached for Barry, but his side of the bed was cold. After she sat up and found he wasn't in the room at all, she grabbed her silk robe and went looking for him.

She found him on the balcony, leaning forward and taking in the city landscape in front of him.

Iris loved their balcony. It was one of the apartment's main features that had won her over. She loved that it was spacious, but still managed to feel intimate on the nights she used to curl up in a chair with her iPod and a glass of wine.

She’d loved the feeling of immensity that came from standing on the ledge; a thin railing being the only thing standing between her and the vast, beautiful city lights and skyscrapers.

She loved feeling like she could almost fly.

Well, she used to like that feeling.

Now it terrified her.

Now, she needed to feel grounded at all times. She needed things to feel solid and sturdy and real beneath her, not like she could fly away and disappear in an instant.

And, though she was learning to love all the ways she’d changed, she couldn’t say this was one way she would like to embrace.

Even hours earlier, she'd had to gently push Barry away when his kisses had left her too dizzy and his hands roaming her body, caressing her skin, had left her too breathless. 

Before, she would've relished in that. She would've jumped head-first into the sensations that came from loving him, but now she needed to catch her breath and remind herself that she was still okay.

But, Barry understood.

He always did.

He slowed down his already slow pace and assured her that everything was alright.

She was safe with him.

She wouldn't fly away.

He had her and he loved her.

And, for a short while, Iris was able to let go and feel.

But, now still she gripped the door frame tightly, still made sure both feet were in the apartment as she softly said his name.

"What are you doing out here?" she asked him when he turned around.

"I'm sorry," he said at once walking towards her. "I wouldn't have been out here if I knew you'd wake up. Are you okay?"

"Fine. I think I just got a little cold and you weren't in bed."

"I'm sorry," he apologized again.

"Barry, it's okay. You don't have to apologize," Iris smiled. "You're allowed get up and walk around your own apartment."

"I just didn't want you to think I-"

"I know," she cut him off. "It's fine."

Barry nodded. "Did you want to..." he gestured to the spot next to him on the balcony and she quickly shook her head.

She flashed another smile, but he knew she was afraid.

He sighed and walked over to her, gently placed a hand on her cheek and she closed her eyes and leaned into it. "Do you remember our first night here? During that crazy thunderstorm?"

"Of course," Iris remembered fondly. "We didn't have power for _days_ and we had to sleep on the floor in front of the fireplace.

"Yeah," Barry laughed. "That screwed up my back. But, I was thinking about that night...out here in the rain.

Heat filled Iris's face at the memory.

"That was reckless," Iris said, trying and failing to stop a wide smile from breaking out.

"That was one of the best nights of my entire life," Barry told her honestly.

"I was braver then," Iris murmured.

“You still are. Things will never be exactly the same as they were before all of this, but that’s okay. You’re still you, Iris. This all just takes a little time,” Barry said.

“I know,” Iris said. She squeezed his arm in reassurance that she wasn’t feeling sorry for herself. Just a little nostalgic.

“It was a great night,” Iris said wistfully. She looked over the balcony onto the sprawling city buildings and the flashing lights. “This is so beautiful,” Iris whispered. “I missed it.”

She took it in for a minute more and when she looked over at Barry, he was staring at her intensely, his eyes darkened in the moonlight, and Iris’s heart picked up.

Barry stared at her lips for a long moment before traveling back up to her eyes. His were questioning, asking for permission.

Iris closed her eyes and leaned forward and she met his lips halfway, feeling all the love and passion behind his kiss as his hands came to circle her waist, gently pulling her body towards his own.

Barry's pace was different than earlier. He was still as gentle and soft, but the hesitation was gone. The pauses that came as they got reacquainted with each other were now replaced with the familiarity of two long-lost lovers.

His lips were sure on hers and his fire was palpable, radiating off his body.

But, it was out of Iris's control when her hands slowly started to ball up at her side.

She was losing hold of that feeling of control she craved.

She was started to feel how she'd always felt when Barry kissed her- like she could get lost in his kiss forever. Like she could float away and never come down.

Like she could get lost in it.

She was going to be lost.

She could only endure the helplessness of the feelings racing through her body or a few more minutes before she pulled Barry's hands off of her waist.

He stopped and pulled back and Iris felt exposed and vulnerable as he studied her face.

Barry leaned back down to kiss her gently, keeping his hands to himself this time.

Iris was still until the same feeling bubbled in her chest once more. Like she was rising up somehow. About to fly away. About to be lost again forever with nothing real to grab onto to save her.

Her breath hitched in her throat and she started to break away from him.

And then Barry, very slowly, reached for her hand and placed it on his chest.

And, on its own accord, Iris's shaky breath started to match the beating of his heart underneath her fingertips.

Strong and firm.

A little fast.

_Real._

Barry finally broke their kiss and rested his head against hers.

"You're okay," he whispered in her ear. "You're right here, you're not going anywhere."

Iris gave a shuddering breath and wrapped her arms around him.

"You're the strongest person I've ever met, Iris. You're the bravest person I know."

Iris kissed him hard then and mumbled her love against his lips and Barry lifted her up and carried her back to bed.

 

When Iris decided she wanted to restart the Team Flash aspect of her life, she had a long discussion about it with Dr. Temple (under the guise of wanting to be more hands on at the paper again). It was enlightening and Dr. Temple reminded her to do things at her own pace and in her own comfort zone without compromising for other people’s comfort.

And Iris took that advice to heart. So, she told the team she’d rejoin them in their efforts to stop Mirror Master’s army, but she wouldn’t return to STAR Labs to do it.

The paper had always been where her strength was. Her pen and her prose were her weapon and that was where she would take her fight.

She scouted every avenue for a story.

Chased down every lead she could find about the magician and when something looked promising, she sent it along to the Flash.

Iris knew her limits and didn’t push them, but she worked tirelessly with her friends to try and find Mirror Master and finally close this chapter of their lives.

And also give her closure for the year that was literally lost to her.

It was her idea to have Cisco vibe her in the hopes of seeing what she couldn’t remember, but the only thing he was able to see was darkness for a long time before a random, but strong burst of light blinded him and he had to break the connection.

The fact that Cisco couldn’t see anything with Iris worried them all and only gave them more questions than answers.

They thought their big break finally came when Geomancer was mysteriously broken out of Iron Heights.

There was a group of fugitives who helped him escape, one of which was cloaked, but whose profile fit Iris’s description of how frail Mirror Master looked the last time she saw him.

Barry had chased down the fugitives and Wally and Jesse pursued Geomancer when the band split up, but they eventually lost sight of him when he caused an earthquake in the town center and they had to save people from the damage.

With all three speedsters preoccupied, Geomancer was able to return to S.T.A.R Labs unimpeded wreaking havoc on the building in a fit of rage.

By the time Wally and Jesse made it to S.T.A.R Labs and subdued him, Geomancer had completely destroyed the first two levels of the building, the MedBay, Cisco’s workshop, Well’s time vault, and the water pipes in the Cortex.

Barry didn’t fare much better. He chased the three accomplices all the way to the next town, eventually abandoning two in order to focus on the cloaked man.

He’d at last, had the man cornered with nowhere to run and the man turned to him, revealing himself to indeed be Mirror Master.

His skin was almost translucent.

His eyes were dull and tired, but they still held a taunting smirk a gleeful gleam that filled Barry with anger.

But, Barry only managed to grab a hold of the tip of his cloak before Mirror Master dove into a large piece of glass by a dumpster Barry hadn’t noticed.

The team turned Cisco’s apartment into a temporary base of operations and they decided they had to be proactive and on the offensive now that Mirror Master was boldly out of hiding.

Jesse returned to Earth-2 to learn all that she could about Mirror Master’s doppelganger and his weaknesses.

CCPD had gotten a concrete lead on Mirror Master’s hideout in Keystone so Joe and Wally had led the Metahuman Task Force on a raid that was lasting longer than anticipated.

With Wally and Jesse out of town, Barry had tentatively agreed to hold down the fort as the speedster on call.

They’d hoped at least Wally would be back before Barry had to suit up, but that hope was short lived.

Cisco had called in the middle of Barry and Iris eating dinner to tell him that there had been a mine collapse at the quarries and people were still trapped.

Cisco and Caitlin themselves had gone down to help because the tremors had snapped some surrounding wires and caused a pretty serious fire in the surrounding residences.

Barry sped out of the apartment with the promise that he’d be back as soon as he can and Iris was left to pace the floor in worry.

After about an hour of biting her nails, Iris turned on the news and opened up her laptop to see if she could piece together a story.

But, just as she logged onto the CCPN servers, she heard a distant, but definitive _boom_ outside her window. She ran to see what had caused it, but only saw people looking around and car alarms flashing.

“The mines exploded!” Someone shouted out in the street. “There was an explosion at the mines!”

_Oh God Oh God._

Iris ran back to the television and turned it up to hear the reporter confirm that there appeared to be an explosion deep in the mines.

“The Flash arrived earlier on scene and was still leading workers out to safety. No word yet on if he made it out and if there was anyone still left down there,” the reporter said.  
_Oh God, please._ Please.

Iris shakily pulled out her phone and dialed Barry’s number.

There was no answer.

She tried Caitlin’s and Cisco’s but to no avail.

She sat down and took a few breaths, planting right in front of the television while she repeatedly tried all three numbers over and over.

When she finally couldn’t sit still anymore, she went into the bedroom to change into some joggers and a sweater. She was slipping on her sneakers when her cell phone rang and she practically leapt over her dresser to answer it.

It was Barry Facetiming her.

"Hey, Iris," he greeted once they’d connected.

"Barry! I've been worried sick. Is everyone alright?!" Iris asked.

"Yeah, we were all able to get out of the way in time. But, we're a little stuck,” he said. His face was smudged in what looked like dirt and coal and he had a tiny cut on his forehead.

“What happened?” she queried.

“We’re not too sure. The collapse might have set off a small gas explosion. But, with the fires around, it ignited in a big way,” Barry guessed.

“Where are you now? Are you out of the tunnels? Are you alone?”

“I’m still down here. There were two workers left and we were on our way up when the explosion happened. We were able to duck into a pocket, but…”

“But, what Barry?” Iris said worried.

“There was a pile of coal that got disrupted in the rumble. It has us blocked in here completely.”

"You can't phase through that?"

"I tried. It’s really thick, but the biggest problem is the last layer of coal on the other side is scorching hot from the heat of the explosion. A worker said it'll be at least another hour before it's cool enough to touch."

Iris let out a breath and put a hand on her head. “Okay. Well at least you’re all okay and safe for now. I tried calling Cisco and Caitlin, but no answer.”

“I don’t know where they’d be. I saw them right before I came down this last time,” Barry told her.

“I’ll keep trying then,” Iris said. “I’m sure they’re fine.”

“Iris, there’s something else,” Barry broached.

“What?”

“Eyewitnesses said that there was a man right at the elevator entrance right before all their lights went out and all the chaos broke out. But, there's no sign of him now. He wasn’t a worker. And he was wearing what looked like a cloak,” Barry said.

“Mirror Master?”

“I think so.”

"What the hell is he playing at? Why would he even be down there?" Iris asked in frustration.

“I don’t know. Nothing about his random disappearances and reappearances make sense. There’s no rhyme or reason to him staying out in Keystone and coming back to Central City, but _not_ coming after us,” Barry said. He sounded just as frustrated as Iris. He wanted all of this to be over. He wanted Mirror Master gone for good and he didn’t want Iris to have to keep living with these mind games.

Iris abruptly froze.

She didn’t know why it all clicked in her head at once.

There was nothing random about Mirror Master’s tactics the last few weeks.

It was entirely strategic for his one goal.

_He's looking for me._

"What?" Barry asked. She hadn't realized she spoke out loud.

"He's after me,” Iris repeated. “S.T.A.R Labs is destroyed. Geomancer wasn't just angry. He went looking to specifically destroy the time vault and the pipes so that there wouldn't be a secure place to hide. Jesse’s gone, my dad and Wally are gone in search of a hide out that “anonymous” reports led them to. Caitlin and Cisco are God knows where and you're-"

"I'm 2 feet deep in burning hot coal," Barry finished, realization dawning on him.

"Iris, listen to me you have to get out of the house, okay? CCPD is only 10 minutes away. I'm calling them now. We just need a detail to get you there and then you'll be safe until I can-"

She suddenly looked up and Barry could see fear flash across her face. "What is it?" He asked, worriedly.

She didn't answer him. Her head was tilted and straining forward as if she were listening out for something. And then she flinched, like she was startled.

"Iris, what is it? Is someone there?"

“I think it was just a car backfiring or something. It scared me.” She explained flashing him a small smile.

Barry relaxed and nodded. “Okay.

“Actually, Barry, I should go see if any of the neighbors need any help. That explosion was pretty big and we felt it all the way over here. I hear a lot of commotion outside,” Iris explained.

“I don’t know if you should be outside in the open, Iris. He’s out there somewhere and we have no way of knowing when he’ll come looking for you,” Barry said.

“I’ll be quick. I’ll call CCPD right now for an escort and check on our neighbors while I wait. You know there are a lot of small kids in this area, Barry,” Iris said.

“Please, call right now. I’ll be on my way as soon as I can,” Barry promised.

“Okay,” she nodded. “I should go, but I’ll see you soon, Bear,” Iris said softly. “I love you.”

"Love you too. Please be careful.”

“Always,” she promised.

Iris ended the call and looked at the black screen for a minute before tossing the phone on the bed and acknowledging the man at the doorway.

“You didn't have to hang up on my account, Ms. West. There is no rush. I'm a very patient man," Mirror Master said with barely contained glee.

"Can’t say the same," She shrugged. "I'm tired. And this needs to end."

"And how is that?" he questioned mockingly.

"One of us is going to walk out of here. One of us is not. And I made a promise to my boyfriend I would _really_ like to keep," Iris informed him.  
Mirror Master guffawed. "Ms. West I do enjoy your company immensely.”

"I hate you," she sneered.

Mirror Master tsked. "We could have ruled the world," he said advancing towards her slowly. "If only you had put away childish dreams. If only you had let me in long enough to show you the way. Such a pity."

Iris backed up and tried to think of an exit plan.

He was standing between her and the bedroom door. She needed him to get close enough to her so she could get past him.

"You can't show me shit," Iris said bluntly. "You were already dying two years ago. And you're basically human again now. I can tell even if you had to wipe my memory like a coward."

"Ah, yes. My powers are not what they once were, but you and your friends have all underestimated how strong I was even before I acquired my abilities,” Mirror Master warned.

Iris kept inching towards the edge of the room, her eyes never leaving his.

“Why can’t I remember anything?” Iris asked. “What did you do to me?”

“Ah,” he grinned. “Affliction of the mind is quite common in cases of trauma, Ms. West.”

Iris swallowed the wave of fury fighting against her chest and didn’t say anything.

She had to be smart and not impulsive. That’s exactly what he wanted from her.

“I can only remember the first four months I was trapped,” Iris continued. “Why is that? Does time move more slowly in the mirror? Is that why?”

Mirror Master legitimately laughed. “Oh, Ms. West. I would have thought being back in the world all this time, you would’ve learned that _nothing_ you’ve done is without my influence. Everything you saw, everything you experienced was based on _my_ command. I fed you images of the outside when I saw fit. You were my prisoner for months before the first image even played on that vanity. And that was only because I recognized the torment you felt watching friends and family go on without you. Time was what _I_ deemed it to be and you were too blinded by visions of your loved ones to realize that,” he strode towards Iris, but she quickly sidestepped, circling opposite of him.

“Your ‘command’ was weak,” Iris said, not losing focus. “In every way. Barry collapsed your empire on the outside within weeks. All of your lieutenants are gone and your foot soldiers are off in the shadows cowering in fear. And inside, you couldn’t even break me. You couldn’t touch me,” Iris sneered.

Mirror Master’s face twisted into that recognizable rage. Iris took a chance.

“I was able to resist you. I was able to escape,” she said.

Mirror Master’s eyes flashed in outrage. “True power is taken not given. Shrouding yourself in a senseless entity that dispenses power blindly is not a means to boast about. The speed force may have broken you out because you couldn’t on your own, however, in the end it clearly didn’t sustain you for long,” he mocked, gesturing to her hands, which still had healing scars.

So the speed force had released her. Mirror Master hadn’t let her go. And she didn’t lose time; he just manipulated it for her. And the speed force had somehow drained his power for good it seemed.

But, those were all the pieces she was going to get because he was advancing on her, mocking humor gone now.

“In the end, I hope you reminisce on all I have told you. This is not your fault. In truth, you turned out to be every bit as weak as your actions proclaimed you to be.”

Iris waited until he lunged at her to weave to her left. She kicked Barry's bookshelf with as much power as she possibly could. The minute the first textbooks fell and connected with Mirror Master's temple, she shot up and ran out of the bedroom, slamming the door and dropping a decorative side table in front of the doorway.

 _Plan, plan, I need a plan_ she thought frantically.

CCPD was too far to run to and she couldn't risk bringing Mirror Master into the pathway of innocent civilians.

But, there weren't a lot of places to hide in a 2-bedroom apartment.

Iris gasped and paused her search for refuge when she heard a guttural howl coming from the bedroom.

She didn't think twice before she ran as fast as she could to the circuit breaker by the pantry, pulling every switch she could hold and plunging the apartment into darkness.

Mirror Master laughed loudly. "You are only prolonging the inevitable, Ms. West. And now you've done nothing but test my patience," he called out to her, pushing the last of the god-awful, heavy tomes off of himself.

He was bleeding if he were to go by warmth he felt dripping down his forehead and stinging his eye.

She was quick. Resourceful. He'd give her that. But, she was also a thorn in his side that has gone unchecked for far too long.

"I did try, Ms. West. I watched you for a very very long time before I finally took you. I didn't want it to come to that. But, you and your speedster left me no choice.”

Iris looked around for any form of cover or a weapon to use, but the best she could think of was to grab a trophy that was displayed over the mantle and wedge herself in the tiny nook at the corner of the kitchen.

She held her breath and clutched the makeshift weapon to her chest.

She heard Mirror Master stumbling in the bedroom for a little longer before the door slammed open and he came barreling out.

He made hard contact with the table she’d dropped in the way, but it didn’t slow him down much.

“After I finally put an end to you, I can at last defeat the Flash!” He growled out. “I will gain back what was lost and turn this city into _my_ domain.

He walked into the hallway and Iris listened as he got closer and closer.

When she saw his silhouette step by her, she jumped out of her hiding spot and brought down the glass statue as hard as she could on the side of his head.

He went down and she kicked him hard for good measure before running towards the front door.

Iris knew she had no choice; she had to get out of the apartment. She couldn’t fight him on her own and she just had to pray he’d be so focused on his pursuit of her that he wouldn’t try to hurt anyone else around.

Iris had just managed to undo the locks and grasp the door handle when a blinding pain shot from the back of her head.

Mirror Master grabbed her and brought her back further into the apartment.

Iris kicked and twisted and dragged her feet, but his grip was iron-tight.

He slammed her into a wall and pain seared across her back.

Iris hit him square in the face, but he was undeterred. He grabbed her neck and squeezed tightly until she felt her airway close off.

His eyes glinted maniacally over her and as she fought to breathe again, she felt a faint sense of déjà vu in the back of her mind.

She clawed at his fingers, but he held on even tighter.

She couldn’t breathe. She couldn’t breathe.

Dark spots began to dance across her eyes and she felt herself getting weaker.

And Mirror Master wheezed a laugh.

Iris grabbed his hands in one last effort to break free when she felt a jolt.

Unbidden, flashes of a jumbled, moving picture zoomed before her eyes.

_Mirror Master leered over her in anger, and she caught the glint of his pointed staff in his hand._

_This was it._

_He grabbed her arm forcefully. He could touch her now._

_The lightening was gone. He’d finally broken through._

_She had run and run down the never-ending corridors in the prison when she first realized her protection had vanished, but it was no use. He’d found her. And she was tired._

_She was going to die._

_But, when he stood her up and changed his stance in preparation to finish what he’d started all that time ago, Iris didn’t know where the sudden burst of fight came from, but she swung her elbow as hard as she could into his face. And when he dropped the staff to tend to his face, she dove for it, grasping it tightly._

_Its handle was hot, almost scorching, but she held on._

_Mirror Master wiped his nose and saw what she was holding._

_He stepped forward with extreme caution, telling her to put it down. To not do anything foolish._

_He moved towards her again, but before he could grab at her, she smashed the staff as hard as she could on the ground, shattering it into a hundred tiny pieces. And she caught one last glimpse of the terror sinking into his face, before a blinding light flashed around them._

The guttural groan in her chest as she came back to the present burned her throat.

That was what she couldn't remember.

That was how she broke free of him last time.

He'd lied, it wasn’t the speed force. It was her. All her.

Iris twisted and turned under his grip, clawing at his hands, his face, anywhere she could until his fingers loosened enough for her to make space between them. Iris brought her knee up and aimed low and true.

He dropped her right away and doubled over in pain.

She twisted her torso to absorb most of her fall, but she met the ground hard and felt her lungs tightening painfully before she was finally able to gasp for air.

She coughed and coughed and her lungs rapidly contracted and expanded to take in as much air as they could.

She rolled her body towards the living room. She only had time to stand up halfway before his hand on her ankle brought her back down again.

She twisted to face him, but couldn't find the strength anymore to stand up. To run.

"I will let them all watch. Then I will kill that _boy_ you call a hero,” he said.

"I am much stronger than you, Iris. I always have been. Even without my staff, even with my abilities being weakened, I am still stronger than you. You have lived all this time solely because of my mercy and indifference. Whenever I want, wherever I want, if I were to see it time to end your life, I can. And you could never stop me. Only beg for mercy at my feet as you are now,” Mirror Master jeered.

Iris shuffled back and moved away from him as best she could. That mocking grin was back on his face as he slinked towards her.

He enjoyed the taunt of moving slowly, of allowing her to realize she had nowhere left to run.

And Iris gave him that, scooting herself backwards into the living room, but she was silently and fiercely praying to God that Barry hadn’t moved what she was moving towards. She pleaded with whoever was listening that it was still in the drawer by the couch, hidden under their address book and that it was still in the working condition she’d left it after she used it on Dr. Light.

“I will finally take back what was mine! And after you and the Flash are snuffed out, there will be no one who can stop me," Mirror Master boasted in victory.

But, Iris kept moving, scooting further and further back until at long last her back hit the side table in the living room. She leapt up and threw open the drawer, grabbing her lifeline and turning back around to face him.

The menacing smile on Mirror Master's face dropped as soon as he saw the gun in her hand.

He took a step towards her and Iris cocked the gun. He backed down a little and put his hand up. "Be careful with that. You don't want to hurt-"

Iris squeezed the trigger and he staggered back, shocked.

Blood quickly started seeping through his shirt where the bullet tore through his shoulder.

"The next one goes right through your head." Iris said resolutely.

Mirror Master backed down, but kept his eyes on her, though Iris noticed they were narrowed in pain.

“So this is what you think? That you can kill me?” his voice had less of its taunting air.

“Shut the fuck up,” Iris demanded. She stepped towards him. “Sit down.”

He stayed where he was, but when she put her finger back on the trigger, he slowly did as she bade.

Iris felt every ounce of anger and confusion and pain she’d thought she’d put away coming crashing over her in wave after excruciating wave.

This man had ruined her life.

He had snatched it and toyed with it and tormented her for as long as he could and then he still came back for more.

Hot tears stung her eyes and her heart beat so quickly, she thought she would explode.

She hated him.

She hated him with every fiber in her being and she was going to make him pay for all he had done.

Iris walked to him. She leered down at him the way he’d done so many times to her. And she relished in the fear she saw behind his eyes.

“I hate you,” she spit out with as much venom as she could. “You thought you could do whatever you wanted. Hurt whoever you wanted, and you just couldn’t stop. But, you made a mistake. You made the mistake of thinking that I’ve been too busy trying to fix all that you’ve ruined to remember that I hate you. But, I’ve never forgotten that. I’ve hated you every second of every single day,” Iris said vehemently.

“I _hate_ you.”

She raised the gun to his temple.

Just as the front door burst open loudly and light filtered the apartment again.

“Iris!” Barry shouted.

He stopped short when he took in the scene in front of him.

"Oh my God, Iris!"

"Barry," she said, she looked up at him through tears.

“Iris,” Barry started. He held up his hands when she shook her head at him. “What are you doing?”

“He has to pay. For everything that he’s done,” Iris said angrily.

“Iris, you don’t want to do this,” Barry said as calmly as he could.

He didn’t know if she was even fully listening to him. Her eyes locked again on the man down in front of her. Barry’s eyes flickered around the apartment and from the debris scattered around he could guess what happened here.

Exactly what he’d feared when he finally made it above ground only to discover Iris had never called CCPD.

He’d raced over here as fast as he’d ever run before and though she looked physically okay, Barry wasn’t sure he was fast enough to prevent another tragedy.

Mirror Master did deserve every ounce of pain that came his way, but Barry didn’t think Iris would make it if that ultimate punishment came from her hand.

She looked sure about what she wanted to do at the moment, though.

Her gaze was steady and so was her aim. He didn’t think he could speed to her before the pulled the trigger. Her free hand was shaking, but Barry was certain that wasn’t from nerves.

“Iris, please,” he tried again.

"I lost so much,” she cut him off. “Two years, Barry. We would’ve been married by now. I would’ve known my dad’s fiancée. Could’ve known my brother more. I had a life a career and a family and he just took me from my life. As if it didn’t matter.” 

She shook her head again and her voice was drenched in resentment “He took _everything_ from me and he still has the balls, the audacity to come back for more."

"Iris, we're okay now. That's what you're always telling me. And it's true, everyone is still here and healthy we have the rest of our lives to make up for it,” Barry said urgently.

"He can't take anything anymore. You've beat him, Iris. You were always stronger than him."

"You're stronger than all of us, Iris," Barry reminded her.

She pressed the gun harder to Mirror Master's temple.

"Hey! Iris, look at me. Please?"

Iris dragged her eyes to Barry and he saw her chest heaving quickly, saw the tears finally falling from her eyes.

"You're stronger than me. You always have been. Since we were kids you've always been. Remember what you told me? Showing strength isn't going to come from killing him. We hurt him by loving each other. If you do this... you can't take this back, Iris. I know that all too well," he said.

"I hate him," Iris told him, heavily.

"I know. I do too. But, we've given him too much power over us. We can't give him anymore," Barry admitted. "Please. Put it down."

Iris let out a harsh breath, closed her eyes and dropped her hand to her side.

And Barry was next to her in an instant, prying the gun from her hand and tossing it across the room.

He pulled her towards him and she virtually collapsed against his chest.

It wasn't until he'd wrapped his arms around her tightly and whispered "I've got you" softly that Iris finally broke down.

The sobs were painful in her chest, wracking her body as Barry held her tighter still, but the pain gave way to a cathartic release she hadn't felt in two years.

She cried over the lost time, her imprisonment, changes with her family and with Barry, her anger and after a few minutes of everything sinking in, she cried over what she'd almost just done.

“It’s okay, Iris. It’s going to be okay,” Barry promised over and over.

The police showed up not long after that, Barry had called in right before he raced home.

Mirror Master was put in a boot and blindfolded so that he couldn't try to flee. Barry turned his body so that Iris didn’t see him escorted away.

After that, it was a whirlwind of police reports and paramedics checking Iris over. Her neck was severely bruised and her wrist was in pain, but that was the extent of her injuries.

They met Cisco and Caitlin running up their street, worried and confused over all that had went down.

Joe and Wally met them all at the precinct after getting the call that the Keystone lead had been a diversion.

It was hours before Barry and Iris walked out of the police station into the night back home.

They’d learned the task force was able to apprehend Mirror Master’s last known active lieutenant in Keystone.

Both of them were headed to Iron Heights in envoys modified with anti-refractive material.

By the time Barry and Iris made it home, the sun was peeking out in the sky, painting the clouds purple and crimson. And they're tired bodies held on long enough for them to make it to bed, pressed together as tightly as they could manage, before sleep consumed them. 

 

***********************************************

 

Barry woke up with the night sky.

He stretched out his limbs and sighed in total contentment. His nap had been much needed after a long day of work at S.T.A.R Labs and as the Flash.

He stood up and noticed Iris was no longer working on her article in bed.

In fact, there was no trace of her in the bedroom anymore.

Barry hoped she hadn’t snuck off to CCPN for a few hours. He searched the apartment and was just about to call her, when he caught sight of movement on the balcony.

He stopped in surprise, watching her sit curled on the bench for a few minutes before he made his way across the living room.

Even though it'd been a long while since Barry thought about that night and it'd been even longer since everything had gone down, moments like this took him back.

It was mystifying to think events that felt so monumental and consuming at the time could ever feel like a distant memory, but where they were now was proof that every painful thing that had gone down in this apartment could fade and soften away until it could no longer hurt them. 

Iris looked up from her book when Barry opened the door and stepped outside and a bright smile broke out at the sight of him.

"You’re awake,” she said happily. “I was hoping you’d be up soon. Come sit with me.”

And she was looking at him with so much love and adoration, Barry was drawn to the seat next to her on the bench.

Iris offered him her wine glass, but Barry declined, instead he reached for her hand and intertwined their fingers.

"How are you?" He asked. 

He was surprised to see her out here. This was the first time she’d come out here on her own.

“I’m good,” she said, snuggling close to him. “Really, really good.”

“Good book?” Barry asked.

“Eh, I’ve read it before,” she shrugged. And Barry laughed.

“I’m going to have to get you a whole new crate of books. Why do you insist on reading stuff you’ve already read before?” Barry wondered in amusement.

It was a habit Iris had since they were kids. She’d eagerly devour a new book within days and then shelve it for a few weeks before picking it up again to read all over again. 

She did it with every single book she read. Whether she enjoyed it the first time or not.

She laughed, too. “I don’t know. I like re-reading a story once I know how it ends.”

“Well you don’t have to subject yourself to that anymore. I could just tell you how it ends the first time around,” Barry offered.

“You’re going to read every book I want to read before I do so you can tell me how it ends?” Iris asked, unconvinced.

“I don’t have to do all that. I can see into the future, remember? You thought I was joking,” Barry reminded her.

“Mmm,” Iris smiled. “How could I forget?”

“I have no idea, I keep telling you,” he said, pecking her nose.

“Well, here’s the book, Flash,” Iris said, handing it to him. “What do you see?"

"What's it about?" He asked, turning over the cover.

"It's about poetry. A woman loses her lover in a beautiful garden. He took her sight and only left a compass for her to find him. She has to navigate what used to be familiar now in total darkness.”

Barry hummed and squinted his eyes as if he was concentrating hard.

"She finds exactly what she was looking for. She finds him and she’s able to see again,” Barry said definitively.

"Mm I don't think that's correct," Iris said. "I'm pretty sure this is a sad book. If I'm remembering it right, the ending was tragic."

"No," Barry shook his head. "That's not what I see. She gets to see beautiful flowers again. And she forgives him for leaving. She gets everything she wanted."

"Silly me," Iris whispered, playfully. “I think you’re right.”

Barry leaned down and kissed her deeply.

When they broke apart, he swung her legs across his lap and put a hand around her waist and leaned back.

"Are you feeling okay, baby?" He asked after a silence. "Are you feeling any of that weight?”

“No, not tonight,” Iris said smiling. "Tonight I feel... invincible.”

Barry’s smiled mirrored hers. “Invincible?” 

“Yeah.” 

Iris stood up and pulled Barry up with her. She walked over to the thin railing and rested her hands on it. “I’ve missed it up here. I almost forgot how amazing this view was.”

Barry spoke his agreement, switching between looking at the city landscape and Iris’s blissful face.

“I checked the weather report earlier,” Iris revealed. “It’s supposed to rain any minute now.” 

And, as if summoned, thunder suddenly rolled across the sky.

Iris smiled even wider if that was possible. Barry stepped back, not knowing if she wanted to run back inside when the first few raindrops started to fall, but she stood still.

It didn’t take long for the downpour to soak them completely and Iris tilted her head back to feel the rain head-on. 

And Barry felt an immense wave of gratitude and love for the smile on her face and the excitement in her eyes. He gently cupped her face in his hand.

“I love you, Iris,” he whispered. He wasn’t even sure she could hear him over the thick patter of rain, but she wrapped her arms around his neck and pulled him into a deep kiss all the same.

She ran her hands through the back of his hair and Barry’s arms circled her waist, drawing her closer to him.

The dizzying effect of her lips cleared long enough for him to remember. "Your book is gonna get ruined," Barry chuckled, breaking away with reluctance. He moved to cover it with a cushion, but Iris put her hands on his hips to keep him in place.

"It's okay," she said sliding her hands under Barry's shirt to remove it. "It's okay. I already know how it ends."

Iris pulled Barry back down to her lips and let the rain beat down on both of them as they lost themselves in each other's arms.

 

END.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading!
> 
> [And yes, I did give Iris a PhD. I still remember her working on her dissertation in the pilot, even if the writers forgot ;) ]

**Author's Note:**

> I really hope this wasn't crap.
> 
> I've never read the comics so I literally only know three facts about Mirror Master  
> -He can control, manipulate, and trap people in mirrors  
> -He once convinced Barry that Iris was dead.  
> -And he's going to be on the show this season.  
> So if I (most likely) got his powers and abilities wrong, just chalk it up to creative liberties ;)


End file.
